Dear Diary

I did it on purpose.

I made sure Dreary Darren would come to the sports hall. I looked for the carotid artery in my biology textbook. I found out which was the toughest pencil – H6 – and I got Mr Richards to sharpen it for me on his fancy sharpener.

You want to know why?

It’s not what you think. It wasn’t to get some kick. And I didn’t enjoy it. But neither did I feel bad about it. But you probably guessed that. I did it because I knew that creep had raped Claudia. On the day of the summer fair, I heard him bragging about it and telling her that if she told anyone he’d hurt her mum. They were behind the cricket pavilion. I’d gone there to get some peace and quiet from all the stupids. It’s exhausting hanging around with normals all the time. Claudia and Dreary didn’t see me and she never said anything to any of us. But I figured someone needed to teach him a lesson.

He was a typical stupid too. He never suspected I was flirting with him for any particular reason. I wore my shortest skirt and my tightest top and I’d walk past his shed slowly until I caught his eye and then I’d smile. He started making comments and asking me to come inside. But I always kept walking without saying a word. So he was gagging for it by the time I walked by that morning and said, ‘Sports hall after registration.’ I knew he’d come. And Claudia was supposed to be my alibi. I was doing this for her and she was supposed to say he’d attacked me, like he had attacked her. But I’d forgotten what a needy bitch she can be. As soon as she saw the chance to push me out of the group, she took it. She hated how popular I was. It was the only bit I got wrong – misjudging her. If I’d waited a few seconds longer, let him grope me a bit, she probably wouldn’t have had any reason to suspect me, but you live and learn.

No one at school looks at me the same way now. My blabbermouth mother couldn’t keep quiet about sending me to speak to a psychologist so the whole school got to hear about that too. So even though the police have dropped charges, I’m still the school weirdo. Parents move their kids away from me and the teachers watch me with this look of fear and disgust. Dr Bloom told me to avoid labelling myself as a psychopath because I’m just Seraphine with as much right as anyone else to choose how to live and what to do. But everyone else is labelling me: my parents, my teachers, my so-called friends. And it makes me want to get back at them. I want to hurt them all. I want them to know exactly who I am and to teach them that there are some people you really shouldn’t mess with.

But mostly I just don’t want to feel so alone.