I left the stables feeling somewhat better about the situation. A little more lighthearted where before I swore my entire body was weighed down with lead. Soren and I had a relationship that was strong as iron, and it would survive this. We would talk, and, considering what Rosamund said, we would talk more often. If two pigheaded people had to be in a relationship and make it work, it was us.

I couldn’t hide my surprise at seeing Soren staring at the doorway to our chambers by the time I got there. He caught me in his gaze and managed to look slightly embarrassed. “It’s silly,” he said, “but opening it’s … hard. Knowing what we have to speak about.”

I nodded. “I understand.” Striding forward, I gently pushed the door open.

Both of us situated ourselves on chairs, turning to face each other. For a moment, all we did was stare, neither of us able to think of the correct words or get them to come out.

I managed to start. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I should’ve told you in the beginning. But I was scared. I wanted to prove that I could handle it on my own. That I wasn’t still some vulnerable child, y’know? And then Diaval found out because she could see his specter and that led to the others finding out, and soon, Seppo, Rose, and she knew, and you didn’t, and I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you or don’t love you. I do. So much. I’d kept the secret and waved off telling you until now, and you were right when you said it’s harder to tell someone something the longer you keep it a secret. But I was scared.”

Soren nodded, a pensive look on his face. “I can understand that. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me. But,” he sighed, “I wish … if there is one thing I want for us, Janneke, it’s for you to feel safe. I know you might never feel completely safe … but I want to be there when you don’t. I don’t want you to feel the need to hide from me when you’re vulnerable because you don’t want to add on to my burdens or you’re scared. If you can’t carry it alone, I’ll help you carry it. Because I love you.”

Warmth trickled inside my chest, and I smiled softly. “I’ll try. Next time something happens. Next time I’m scared or feeling vulnerable. I’ll try to remember to speak to you and that me speaking to you doesn’t make me weak.”

One of Soren’s rare smiles graced his face. “That’s all I ask.”