The near-emotionlessness of the stag’s sense of duty was almost completely worn off, and I had to grip my hands into fists and dig my fingers into the palms of my hands to stop them from shaking. It didn’t matter, I told myself. The same message still applied, even when I was more of my human self. I couldn’t change the horrors of my past, but I could still fix the problems of the future. I still had the power to fix what was happening now. If it meant arguing with Soren or working with Lydian, so be it. It had to be done. I was only human—well, sort of—and I couldn’t fix or change what was done to me. But I could choose whatever I did next. I had the choice.

I had to keep repeating this mantra in my head. Sooner or later, it would stick, and my heart would calm down from its racing in my chest. Because I knew it was safe, even if my hypervigilance told me to dash away and hide from the situation like a frightened rabbit.

Rose noticed my flinch and took his hand away. “Sorry,” he apologized.

“It’s not your fault. One day I won’t flinch, not today,” I said, standing and stretching my cramped calf muscles. The horse in the stall I’d been sitting against brought its head down to greet me, and I rubbed its nose. It was the troublemaker that Seppo and Rosamund had been chasing. “Look at you,” I cooed at the animal. “Such a good girl.”

“A good girl who nearly gave me a black eye,” Rose said.

“It’s not my fault you don’t understand how horses work,” I said, continuing to stroke the horse’s nose. I sighed. Would that I could be with the animal forever. But there were conversations to be had and people to have them with. “Soren’s alone now,” I said, feeling through the weak link that we had between us. He wasn’t overly angry, and it didn’t feel like he’d broken anything, or at least, he hadn’t broken Seppo, so that was a good sign. It was time to go and try for round two. “I think Seppo is all right. You know Soren wouldn’t actually hurt his friends.”

Rose smirked. “I know, I know. But it’s fun to make fun of him and his poor impulse control. Plus, maybe you’ve never encountered Soren in a fit of true rage. He’s pretty good at not doing that around you, but none of us get the same courtesy, and while I’m sure the brute would never kill me, it’s absolutely terrifying to behold.”

I smiled. “I’ll take your word for it.”