Maybe because I didn’t exactly tell the three of them out loud. Diaval could sense it and so could Rose, for some strange reason, and whatever Rose knew, Seppo did. They’d approached me about it all three together in what was probably considered the goblin form of a soft intervention.

Or maybe because Seppo, Rose, and Diaval hadn’t actually been victims of Lydian. Not like Soren and I had. They hadn’t suffered by his hand; they didn’t have him haunt their dreams for decades.

Maybe if it’d been me seeing Lydian’s ghost, it’d be different. I could confide in Soren about the ghosts of my past, real or imagined. But I was hearing him in my mind. He stood before my eyes. Not only that, but I had visions of the world being thrown into chaos, and if Donnar was right, the one person who could truly tell me what was going on was a person who I’d rather die than see again.

How would I even explain that? I could barely grasp the concept myself. Every cell inside of me ached to ignore Donnar’s words, which now bounced around in my brain, and continue surviving.

It should’ve been, well, not peaceful exactly, but better by now. The bad guy was dead. Soren and I were together and safe. My friends were safe. I was finally allowing myself to heal and grieve and let go of all the hate and anger I felt toward myself. Except for that bad guy was speaking to me from beyond the grave. It was so unfair I wanted to stomp my foot on the ground like a child.

It should’ve been better. I should’ve been better by now. But I wasn’t. The very idea of even speaking to Lydian petrified me. Hel, I didn’t even want to breathe the same air as him if I could help it. I should’ve been free of him, but my abuser was hanging on despite every effort to shake him off for good.

But I didn’t really have a choice when everything boiled down to it, did I? No matter my human feelings, buried underneath it all was the compulsion to do whatever needed to be done to keep the Permafrost safe. What I wanted didn’t matter. If it hurt me, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was fulfilling my duty and doing it as quickly and efficiently as possible.

And so despite my feelings, I did what I had to do.

“You’re right,” I murmured. “I think I may lie down for a bit. I’ll see you later?”

He bent down to kiss my forehead. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”