She sighed. “Look, you can go ahead and act like the victim, but it’s not like you didn’t antagonize her for years. I had to put up with a lot more than you did, for years, yeah? And don’t act like it’s different because you’re trans.”

“No, I’m not going to take that,” I said, my voice raising into a yell. “She told me she’d rather see me dead. She said that.”

“You know what kind of shit she’s said to me?” she yelled back, so loud the phone audio started to distort. “I didn’t throw a fucking fit and drop out of school, Leo.”

“She didn’t give me a choice,” I said. My voice cracked a little on the last word.

“You had a fucking choice,” she shouted even louder, if that was possible. “If I had a choice, so did you. Don’t act like some fucking martyr, I dealt with her because I had to. I hope making your little point to her was worth it.”

“You’re a fucking hypocrite,” I said.

“And you’re a child,” she said and hung up.

♒

I was super early to meet up with Violet. I sat on a block of concrete in the street next to a bunch of chairs and tables the bar had set outside, and I tried to distract myself with my phone. Looking at posts on the internet, you can almost feel normal, like you’re a member of some chorus, no matter what’s going on with you.

Violet was standing in front of me before I noticed her. I was a little startled. She was wearing all black and towed a tall, skinny bike with one hand.

“Hi,” I said, stuffing my phone in my purse.

“Hi,” Violet said. “It looks crowded in there, wanna just walk?”

Neither of us talked for about a block and a half. The silence started to get unbearable. We turned onto Irving Avenue and passed under the glowing awnings of storefronts.

“So,” she finally said. “What’s up?”

The way she said it made me think twice about what to say. She sounded curt, formal, like someone getting down to business.

“Um,” I started, hoping to form a response midair and failing.

“How’s Nadine?” Violet said.

“She’s ok, I think.”

“Mm.”

This was entirely wrong. I wanted to start over.

“Given the circumstances, you know.”

“Yeah. I told her she should just move in with me when Zoe moves to Chicago.”

“She really doesn’t want to leave that apartment,” I said.

“Mm.”

I couldn’t decide whether or not to tell her about what happened a few hours beforehand. If I did, the conversation would be just about that, and I so badly wanted Violet to belong to an entirely different part of my life than all that mess, so I didn’t say anything.