Maybe what I was trying to capture in these pages was your sense of purpose, the way you seemed to cut a straight, clear path through the world. I found myself missing you because I was certain you never lost your sense of direction. There were so many times when something you’d say to me, or just the mere fact of your presence, would make me feel like everything extraneous had fallen away and I lived suddenly in a clean, clear reality that seemed navigable. Those moments are rarer now.

I think once I get that feeling back, I’m going to pack up this bedroom and get a long ways away from here and forget all about it, just like you did.

Now that I’ve written all of this out, I feel like I’ve regained some perspective. In a weird way, I don’t think it ended up having much to do with you. The plan is still to burn this. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.

2021-2023

Thank You

Thank You

Steve, Sara Jane, Verity, Dayton, Maddie, John, Sofia, Jane, Grey, Hazel, Bonnie, Leena, Lily, Clay, Justine, Gigi, Isabel, Evelyn, Eleanor, Esti, Agnes, Eve, Sibyl, Natalie, Ella,Mapes, Meredith, Mallory, Katie Lane, Leah, Kyle, Jackie, Aurora, and Violet.

And especially: Casey and Cat, Mom, Dad, Amory, Sara, and Hannah most of all.

About the Author

About the Author

Emily Zhou was born in Michigan and lives in New York City. This is her first book.

About LittlePuss Press

About LittlePuss Press

LittlePuss Press is a feminist press run by two trans women, Cat Fitzpatrick and Casey Plett. We believe in printing on paper, intensive editing, and throwing lots of parties.

This book is set in Rialto dF, a font designed by calligrapher Giovanni De Faccio and type designer Lui Karner for the C-A-S-T co-operative type foundry. Rialto combines elements from their respective disciplines into a harmonious and lucid whole.

Contents

Affection 9

Performance 25

Means to an End 59

Separate Ways 87

Do-over 103

Ponytail 131

Gap Year 149

Thank You 181

About the Author 185

About LittlePuss Press 189