TheDuchessB: It’s not a poltergeist. It’s a phantasm disguised as a child demon. Honestly. Don’t you know anything about the Internet famous?

I type back immediately:

GreatSc0t: Must have misplaced my Hashtag Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

A little bit of a shot in the dark. But maybe if she likes classic eighties action/adventure fantasy films, she might also know . . .

TheDuchessB: # Dayo . . .

Bingo.

TheDuchessB: You know, when I was a kid, I always wanted ghosts to move in so that I could dance by the ceiling.

GreatSc0t: Is that why you like haunted tours? You’re hoping to become the living embodiment of a Lionel Richie song?

TheDuchessB: Maybe. Wow, my therapist never cracked that one. And here we are two minutes into a chat . . . excuse me, a “lob.”

GreatSc0t: You’re welcome. I charge $125 an hour. But I give special discounts to duchesses, especially those of planet Undersea.

There’s a slight pause, the first of our conversation.

TheDuchessB: Rule number one of Fight Club: never talk Undersea on a first chat.

GreatSc0t: Oh really?

TheDuchessB: I’ve been burned. This is strictly an in-person subject. I need to see the whites of your eyes before I can discuss Her Highness with you.

GreatSc0t: Like . . . in the Battle of Bunker Hill?

TheDuchessB: Dating is war, my good man.

GreatSc0t: Touché. I respect that. Soldier to soldier.

I hesitate.

GreatSc0t: Is it too forward of me to say I’d like that conversation to happen soon?

A pause. Damn, did I jump that gun too early? TheDuchessB: The Duchess acquiesces . . .

Her most famous line, of course, although . . .

GreatSc0t: Uh-oh. Is this a trap?!

She sends through a skull emoji.

TheDuchessB: Whites of your eyes, remember? Don’t make me break my own rule on a first chat.

GreatSc0t: Yes, soldier.

TheDuchessB: Captain.

GreatSc0t: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was an even playing field.

TheDuchessB: Is it ever?

There’s a pause, allowing me to take another glance at Bree’s picture. Beautiful and smart. Nice work, Jude.

TheDuchessB: So is it true you’re fresh off the boat? Would you happen to have what they call a brogue?

GreatSc0t: Aye. ’Tis true . . . and you should hear how I sound when I say brogue.

TheDuchessB: Woo. Is it hot in here? But, seriously. Keep talking Scot to me.

GreatSc0t: Whiskey. Heather. Kilt.

TheDuchessB: Hmmmm . . . maybe something else we need to save for our in-person meeting.

GreatSc0t: This isn’t translating?

Mentioning meeting up in person twice is a good sign.

TheDuchessB: I actually have to run. But this was fun.