Worse, it was her favorite date so far! The one I had nothing to do with!

Pride and (what else) prejudice war inside me. Pride that my so-called dick-picker is superior to hers and landed her a great match. Prejudice because I don’t think she’s on Jude’s level, and never will be. I’m not ready to give up texting privileges with him, despite her instructions not to linger while messaging him tonight.

Was it inevitable that I’d fall for him? If you toss a twenty-something (I can claim that age for one more week) into a new city with no friends or support, force her to cyber flirt with eligible, attractive men who self-describe as “seeking meaningful relationships,” what do you think is going to happen?

You can see why, then, I’m not in the mood for a brief conversation. And why I might wait until eleven p.m. to do it.

TheDuchessB: You up?

GreatSc0t: Is this where I make the requisite double-entendre?

TheDuchessB: If you must . . .

GreatSc0t: I’ll find a way to resist.

GreatSc0t: Hard time sleeping?

TheDuchessB: Little bit. You?

GreatSc0t: Hard something. (ba-dum-dum) Sorry. I repressed the first joke, but suppressing two in a row is a bridge too far.

TheDuchessB: Like farts. Suppressing them. LOL

Ugggggh. I loathed typing that. But it’s “in character.”

The pause after my fart joke seems endless; did I do it wrong? Maybe they’ve passed that phase of their interactions and it’s no longer amusing? Not that it’s a recognized phase anywhere else on God’s green earth. But no, soon enough a new message pops up.

GreatSc0t: LOL yes

TheDuchessB: Just confirming tomorrow’s shindig.:) Almost today’s . . .

GreatSc0t: Cool, really looking forward to it.

TheDuchessB: If I woke you, I can go, we’ll be seeing each other soon, so

GreatSc0t: No that’s okay. I’m definitely awake.

TheDuchessB: Want to guess my favorite sleep game? You get three tries.

GreatSc0t: Okay. Based on my own experience, is the game 1) Let’s All Panic About Not Being Able to Sleep 2) The Sheets Are Bunched at the Foot of the Bed, So Now I Must Curl My Foot Into a Crude Hook to Grasp and Pull Them Back Up 3) The Mystery of the Pillow That No Longer Has a Cool Side

TheDuchessB: All excellent guesses. *buzzer noise* But all wrong. Here’s how you play the Sleeping Game. You close your eyes and try to convince yourself you’re in a different bedroom. Could be the same house, could be someone else’s house, as long as it’s a place you know well and can recreate in your mind.