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Chapters (35)
  1. Cover
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. 4
  6. 5
  7. 6
  8. Prologue
  9. 16 February 1938
  10. Part I
  11. Chapter 1
  12. Chapter 2
  13. Chapter 3
  14. Chapter 4
  15. Chapter 5
  16. Chapter 6
  17. Chapter 7
  18. Chapter 8
  19. Chapter 9
  20. Part II
  21. Chapter 10
  22. Chapter 11
  23. Chapter 12
  24. Chapter 13
  25. Chapter 14
  26. Chapter 15
  27. Chapter 16
  28. Chapter 17
  29. Chapter 18
  30. Chapter 19
  31. Chapter 20
  32. 1
  33. 2
  34. 3
  35. 4

It was time to leave. No more words, no more consideration: only to act. Ulli stowed the letter in an inside pocket in his jacket, close to his heart. He pulled on his coat and hat, put away the last coffee cup, switched off all the lights. He locked up as he did every time he went away for a work trip. The Streckers would be shocked when he did not appear at the office, but he had to trust that inwardly they would respect his decision. Outside, he turned his back on the block and walked swiftly, head lowered against the cold wind, thinking vaguely about how much he would miss his bicycle.

En route to the station, he passed the conservatoire; he remembered watching Hans Gál and his family treading the same route five years earlier. All the Jewish staff members had gone now, heaven knew to where; watching them go, or recognising that they simply weren’t there any more, he had never imagined that he, too, would someday bid his home farewell, possibly for a long time. It wasn’t as if he had to leave, unlike them. But since facing down Goebbels’ committee on behalf of Jelly, Ulli was a different man. He could not sleep, had been growing thin and gaunt, and felt petrified at the sight of every unopened letter and the ring of every telephone; and he had searched deep inside the forest paths of his own mind. To retreat, to keep invisible, that was not enough. To live under fascism would destroy him, perhaps send him as insane as Schumann had been. He had to stand by his conscience. That alone could lead him and let his theme transform, breaking free, out into the light, like Schumann’s Polonaise.

In London, assuming he could get there – he was by no means certain he could – he must explore every contact he had. He’d phone Tovey first, and Jelly, with trepidation. She had no idea of his plan, since he had told no one. Perhaps she would not speak to him; he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. But even if nothing came of that, even if all his friends there rejected him outright, even if internment as an enemy alien might follow, he would still be able to hold up his head and declare his lessons learned, his fears conquered and his mind at peace with his higher self. He would have done the right thing.

Ulli stood on the station platform and listened for the screech and rattle of the arriving train.

Chapter 20