Sitting on those old steps, the night fades into sunlit days filled with laughter, and teasing play. How many times had I sat on these stairs and watched it all? Watched that carefree part of myself that saw no consequences, felt no guilt, but also no deliberate malice? She never means to hurt me.

Even now I know she won’t feel remorse for her actions. She’ll fight to come home, battle with all she is to return to us. But she’ll feel no responsibility, believe herself the victim in all ways and still spare no thought for those left waiting in pain.

I let the panic pull me under, let myself feel the anger with my twin that is bubbling away underneath, the blame that helps no one and only drops me further into shame. She should have stayed home with me. She should never have been out with Troy, and should damn sure have never been on some whitefulla’s property, especially those whitefullas!

The fury fills me till I think it might burst, shoving back the panic. Then it drains away, so painfully slow, till I am nothing but emptiness.

I open my eyes, stare at the sorrow-filled moon and whisper, ‘Come home.’

Day 2, Daylight

Day 2, Daylight

I don’t sleep. Mostly I listen to the springs in Mum’s bed squeaking as she tosses and turns. When the predawn light starts to float in from outside she goes into the kitchen and starts the kettle. Not long after I hop up and go to join her. Mum looks shocked (I am not an early riser), but she also looks shocking. Two days’ worth of no sleep is hanging from her eyes and for a black woman she’s looking kind of pale. There are already a pile of bags by the back door, from what I can see they are full of water bottles, containers of food and fruit. Everything they’ll need for a day out bush.

‘Tea’s there.’

‘Thanks Mum.’

I’m half expecting her to remember yesterday’s fury, but she seems calm. That won’t make me any less grounded. I get my tea and sit across from Mum. We stare at each other uncomfortably before looking away.

‘Daught, I need to know. If Laney calls, you’ll tell me right?’

Too shocked to do anything but react I meet her narrowed eyes as she watches me closely.

‘Yeah Mum. Straightaway.’ I take a second to think about it. ‘But if she’s been muckin around havin fun this whole time I’ll probably go off my head at her first.’

She smiles in relief and anticipation. ‘You can warm her up for me then. Since neither of us is gettin any sleep how about a big breakfast to get us started?’