His arm locked around her. “It was a fucking nightmare, from the second I saw the blood until you woke up in Providence four hours later. The whole time, I thought I was going to lose you—and the baby. David and Victoria operated right there in the clinic, and even though I was completely panic-stricken, I knew they couldn’t possibly be equipped for an emergency of this magnitude. And it turns out, they weren’t, but they made do with what they had because they didn’t have any choice. From all accounts, David was fucking amazing during a surgery he’d never done by himself before. Victoria and Mason both made a point of telling me that later. Without him…” He released a deep breath. “We were so lucky he was dating Daisy, and she brought him to Mac’s, otherwise he never would’ve been there. I would’ve lost you because we wouldn’t have had time to track him down, to get you help. That’s the part that haunts me, how your life—and our son’s life—came down to shit luck. The randomness of it all is hard to live with.”

“We were very lucky that day,” Janey said softly. “But we’ve been very lucky for a long time when you think about it. We were lucky to be born to great parents who loved us, to have an amazing life on this island we love so much, to have wonderful friends and families who love us. We’ve always been surrounded by good luck, so it stands to reason that our luck would hold when we needed it most.”

“I suppose.”

“I’m really proud of the way you held up during all of it. From what I heard, David wasn’t the only one who was amazing. You were, too.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“How can you say that? You got me help when I needed it and stayed strong during a crisis. You’ve been my rock through it all.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew everything.”

“What don’t I know?”

Joe rubbed at the late-day stubble on his jaw. “When David was taking you into surgery… I told him… I said…”

“What did you say, Joe?”

“That if it came down to a choice—you or the baby—I wanted him to save you. And now I look at our beautiful son, and I remember how easily I chose you over him, and I hate myself for that.”

“Joe, God, I would’ve done the same thing. You hadn’t even met him yet, and you’ve loved me for years. Anyone would’ve done the same thing.”

“Still… It makes me sick to think about it now that I can hold him and touch him. Now that I love him, too.”