God, that should’ve just grossed me out, but it really just made me feel all the more lame.

As I roamed the upstairs, I could hear a strumming rift or two coming from the downstairs. I quietly made my way to the edge of the stairs that led to the basement.

Kyler was playing the guitar.

Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes. Kyler had a talent when it came to playing music. Even as a kid, he could pick up almost any instrument and learn how to play it in record time. I, on the other hand, made musical instruments run in the other direction.

He was playing a Dave Matthews song, not missing a note at all. A smile pulled at my lips as I listened. Each note was perfect, rising in tempo as the song continued. I don’t know how long I stood there and listened, but when he stopped, I was bereft.

With nothing else to do, I slipped on my boots, jacket, and hat. Slipping out the front door, I pulled my gloves out of my pockets and put them on. Snow always made me feel better. I liked shoveling. I was weird, but it helped me think.

It was brutal outside, though. The wind whipped down the valley. There weren’t any other houses near this one, and other than the forest full of pines, the land was empty.

I made my way carefully down the stairs and hit the ground. Last night the snow had been packed down, but now it came up to my calves and it was wet and heavy. I waded around the stairs and made my way to the front of the garage. Looking around, I saw the shovel propped against the wall under the stairs.

Le sigh.

Shuffling back up the slight incline, I grabbed the shovel and turned, taking a sheet of snow in the face. It stung like a bitch.

“Jesus,” I muttered, shaking my head.

Dragging the shovel out to the driveway, I started clearing a path. There wasn’t any point to it. Wind was blowing snow back onto the tiny section I cleared, and when Saint Snow-dumbass or whatever they were calling it finally got here, it would be a total white-out, but I liked the burn in my arms and how everything seemed different outside, freezing my ass off and sweating at the same time.

Maybe trying to kiss Kyler and getting rejected wasn’t such a bad thing. I could learn from this experience. Get some perspective or something, because it was probably well beyond the time I should be letting go of this stupid unrequited love stuff.

He didn’t want me.

I wanted him.