His eyes met mine. “I cannot undo my mistakes, all the lives lost because of me. I have to find some way to atone for that, and I have no idea how long it will take. I know I will have to be stronger and smarter than I have been if I want to succeed. But perhaps I will think more clearly if I am honest with myself—and with you—about one thing.” His lips, warm and soft, touched my temple, and then my forehead. “And so,” he whispered, “you can slap me when you regain the use of your arms.”

He carefully stripped one of my gloves off and pressed my palm against his chest. He looked down at my fingers, my painted wine-red nails spread across his shirt, over his heart. Then he raised his head to look at me. “This beats for you. It has for some time. And it always will. No matter what happens now, no matter how you feel, that’s how it is for me.”

He winced and gently placed my hand at my side again. “No, Lela, please don’t cry.” He wiped the fresh tears from my cheeks, which flowed as my throat closed too tightly for me to draw breath. “I don’t expect anything from you. I won’t stand between you and Ian. I want you to be happy. I just … I couldn’t lie about it anymore. You deserve better from me.”

“Wise choice, Lieutenant,” said Raphael as he strode into the room. “Henry has decided to join Jim at the nest. But they’ll await Lela’s orders before they move.”

Malachi sat back on his knees, his fingers withdrawing from my face and leaving me stunned and choking on my own emotions. I barely heard anything else Raphael said as he sat down on the edge of the bed; I was too busy replaying Malachi’s words in my mind, trying to make sure I hadn’t imagined them. I needed to tell him how much I loved him, how I forgave him, how—

It was like being cut open, like a red-hot scimitar sliced down my spine, from neck to tail, shooting agony along the stalks of my arms and legs, sending me arching all the way off the bed. The real healing had begun, reconnecting nerve to nerve, muscle to muscle, bone to bone, and it crushed my thoughts, stole my words. Fire curled along the walls of my chest, and then caught and exploded, pumped by my blistered heart through each of my arteries, turning me to ash.

I know I must have screamed because Malachi’s arms closed around me. He buried his face in my neck.

“I’ve got you,” he said in my ear. “I won’t let you go. This will be over soon. Just hold onto me.”