This, she said, meaning her own skill, was what I could achieve if only I stopped pitying my circumstances and started demanding that I become more. That I deserved more.

Kendara always believed I could be something great.

But I spent the last four years devoting myself toward this single goal, and now? I only joined the Queen’s Company because Kendara required it of me—a test of my dedication, she said, of what I would endure to win my place as her apprentice. And I have endured. Oh, but I have endured.

Perhaps my pride was my downfall. The Shadow must not draw attention, must allow herself to be underestimated. For the sake of securing my future at her side, I could lower my head and swallow my pride—except in the sparring circle. Not there, the one place where I’m allowed to fight back, where I can bury my fear of worthlessness beneath the proof of my strength.

What was it all for?

Up ahead, a path cuts away from the main road, heading west. Until now, we’ve been on Keistra’s Flight, which stretches from Evewyn’s southern shores, through the capital of Vos Talwyn, and north to the port city of Byrth. But the path that leads west is little more than a couple of narrow depressions in the grass formed by the passage of wagons and drakes.

The hatchlets grumble beneath their breaths when the guardsmen veer off Keistra’s Flight onto the narrow, uneven trail. I glare at the back of Jonyah’s head and jerk Yandor’s reins, bringing him to a stop. With a worried glance at the growing distance between us and our party, Saengo pauses as well. No one has noticed our departure.

Saengo clutches my arm hard enough to regain my attention. “Sirscha, talk to me.”

I take the note from her, glancing at the words again before crumpling it in my fist and shoving it back into my pocket. To reach the teahouse by tonight, Jonyah will need to leave soon. He’s likely already invented some excuse to gain Officit Boldis’s permission.

When I trust my voice not to break, I say quietly, “I’m going to the teahouse first.”

In less than a month, we will graduate. I will be cast about the kingdom at the whim of the Royal Army, left to rot in obscurity at an outpost for six years until my required service ends. And what then? I have no family, no home, no talent other than fighting.

If I’m not to be the Shadow, then I am nothing.

I am tired of being nothing.

THREE

We remain on Keistra’s Flight, hoping to put as much distance between us and Officit Boldis’s party before we’re missed and someone is sent after us. I briefly consider turning back for Vos Talwyn to demand an explanation from Kendara, but she would never tolerate such impudence.