There were tears in her friend’s eyes, and more streaking down her temples. They’d formed a small gray patch of wetness on the pillow behind her head. “Tully,” Kate said in a soft, swollen voice, “did you really think I could forget you?”

Tully’s relief was so huge she felt weak in the knees. “Hey,” she said. “You didn’t have to go so far to get my attention, you know.” She touched her friend’s bald head, let her fingers linger on the baby-soft skin. “You could have just called.”

“I did call.”

Tully flinched. “I’m so sorry, Katie. I—”

“You’re a bitch,” Kate said, smiling tiredly. “I’ve always known that. And I could have called back, too. I guess no one stays friends for more than thirty years without a few broken hearts along the way.”

“I am a bitch,” Tully said miserably, her eyes welling up. “I should have called. It was just . . .” She didn’t even know what to say, how to explain this dark rip that had always been inside of her.

“No looking back, okay?”

“That only leaves ahead,” Tully said, and the words were like bits of broken metal, sharp and cold.

“No,” Kate said. “It leaves now.”

“I did a show on breast cancer a few months ago. There’s a doctor in Ontario doing amazing things with some new drug. I’ll call him.”

“I’m done with treatments. I’ve had them all and none has worked. Just . . . be with me.”

Tully took a step back. “I’m here to watch you die. Is that what you’re telling me? Because I say no fucking way to that. I won’t do it.”

Kate looked up at her, smiling just a little. “That’s all there is, Tully.”

“But—”

“Do you really think Johnny just gave up on me? You know my husband. He’s just like you and we’re almost as rich. For six months I saw every specialist on the planet. I did conventional and unconventional and naturopathic remedies. I even went to that faith healer in the rain forest. I have kids; I did everything I could to stay healthy for them. None of it worked.”

“So what do I do?”

Kate’s smile was almost like the old days. “That’s my Tul. I’m dying of cancer and you ask about you.” She laughed.

“That’s not funny.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

Tully wiped her eyes. The truth of what they were really talking about pressed in on her. “We’ll do it like we’ve done everything else, Kate. Side by side.”

Tully came out of Kate’s room shaken. She made a small sound, a kind of gasp, and covered her mouth with her hand.

“You can’t hold it in,” Mrs. M. said, coming up to her.

“I can’t let it out.”