“You want me to lie to you? I won’t. You want me to tell you it’ll be all right? I can’t. Living’s hard, Viv. Living with magic’s harder. I’ve seen and done shit just to stay alive that I’m not proud of, and sure as shit won’t talk about. I don’t know what’ll make you feel better. Maybe nothing. Maybe Xanax, or a bottle of wine. Hell, maybe just some sleep. I don’t know. I’ve never known.”

There’s a long pause and I can hear her taking drags on her cigarette and not saying anything. Finally, she says, “Sleep. I should go to sleep. Call Gabriela later. She’ll want to talk to you.”

“Will do. Night, Viv.”

“Good night, Eric. Oh, and I know I said I was over it, but I still hate you for what happened to Alex.”

“I know. Get some sleep. It’s best to hate somebody on a full eight hours.”

She hangs up the phone. Well, that’s some good news, I guess. Gabriela’s alive, even while Vivian is slowly killing herself. The only way I can help her is by staying away. But that’s going to be a challenge with the circles I run in.

What was it that she’d said? She feels trapped? No. “It was like I’d finally gotten something I’d wanted and it turned out to be a trap.”

And then I know exactly what I’m going to do.

Chapter 27

“Son, you got any idea what time it is?” Jack MacFee says over a bad connection.

“Six in the morning,” I say. “I think I’ve been up for two days. I’ve honestly lost count.”

“You sound awful awake for not having slept for two days,” he says.

“Cocaine,” I say, my nose still numb from the two lines I did off the dashboard. Adderall lasts longer, like hours longer, but for the shit I’m about to pull, cocaine’s the only thing that’ll work. A few hours from now I’ll switch back to the speed, but right now, cocaine’s what’s on the menu.

“Ah, that would explain it.” MacFee’s one of those guys we mages go to when we need the sorts of things we can’t find at the local 7-11. Grave dust, hands of glory, toadstools picked under a full moon on Walpurgis Night, that sort of thing. He stands by his products, and he’s never let me down.

After I got off the phone with Vivian, I left the Ambassador and stole a car on Wilshire. In the last hour I’ve driven to the Valley and back, hit up my motel room for a few supplies, and come up with what I hope is a plan that has reasonable odds of both working and not getting me killed.