“You could still be lying,” I insist, my eyes flickering over to my heart again. “Say I do teach the valkerax how to Weep. What’s stopping you from keeping me as your Heartless?”

“My honor as a d’Malvane?” she offers.

“Not good enough.” I deaden my gaze.

And then, in one swift motion, she’s beside me. She holds my shoulder and shoves her entire fist into my chest with no ceremony, no warning. Like an explosion from an epicenter, the pain radiates out from her fist and I tilt my head down—no blood, no flesh, no wound, only her whole fist, the skin there as black as midnight and embedded deep inside my ribs. Her dark eyes have grown darker from corner to corner, her lips reciting a wordless chant none of us can hear. She’s so close to me, I can see the beads of sweat dripping down her temple, her mouth moving faster as the pain inside me blooms.

The firelight on her other hand’s finger flickers with an abrupt wind, blowing out and engulfing us in darkness. Every muscle in my body goes limp, but her arm keeps me suspended in air, my entire frame hanging off her fist. My eyelids flutter rapidly, and suddenly I can see it—my life.

Mother’s soft, sweet face, her blond eyebrows knitting as she’s braiding my hair and laughing. Father’s large nose and larger smile, showing me how to tie a caravan knot. We traveled to Helkyris and spent a day rolling snowballs down a hill, the little orbs growing bigger and bigger and crashing into the trees below as we whooped with delight.

My birthday, the sparrows outside the caravan window as Mother brought a dish of sweetrounds covered in maple glaze to the table, the rich and sugary taste on my tongue.

Father and me in the driver’s seat, the horses moving at a lazy pace under the afternoon sun, the drakeflies buzzing over the nearby murky lake, and he put his wide-brimmed hat on my head and it was so big it fell over my eyes and all I could see was darkness—

Darkness as the pain recedes, as Varia lights her finger with fire again, her hand retreating from my chest and the memories slipping from my mind like desert sand. It’s no use; no matter how hard I try to hold on, they keep getting fainter. But for that moment—that one glorious moment—they were real. It was like I was there again, reliving it all at once. And that was only a second of my heart being inside me again.

If I could have the whole thing forever…