‘Get up!’ screams Rube’s distorted voice the first time I’m down. Somehow, I do it.

The second time, it’s just the look in his eyes that makes me find my feet again. My legs ache and I stagger, over to the ropes. Hanging on. Hanging on.

The third time, I see her. I see her and it’s only her. The rest of the crowd has disappeared and only Stephanie stands there, watching. The whole place is empty but for her. Her eyes are swimming with beauty and her stance makes me lunge for her, in an attempt for her to help me up.

‘I only go because the dogs are beautiful,’ I hear her say.

What a strange thing to say, I think, then realise it’s yesterday’s voice that I hear. Today, she stands in silence, staring at me with solemn lips, closed up, as I struggle to my feet.

In the fourth round, I fight back. I rise up.

I navigate my head away from the other guy’s fists and get in a few shots of my own. Blood has flooded my chest and stomach. It eats into my shorts.

Dog’s blood.

A beautiful dog?

Who knows, because in the fifth round, I get knocked out, and it isn’t just one where I can’t get up. It’s a knockout where I’m knocked cold, unconscious.

When I’m out, she fills me.

I see her and we’re at the track, just us in the grandstand, and she kisses me. She comes close and she tastes so nice. It’s unbearable. Me, with one gentle hand on her face and the other nervously gripping the collar of her shirt. Her with her lips on mine, and her hands gliding up my rib cage, bit by bit. Just gentle, so gentle.

Her lips.

Her hips.

Her pulse, inside mine.

So gentle, so gentle.

So —

‘Gentle,’ I hear Rube’s voice. ‘Be gentle with him.’

Damn, I’m awake.

Awake and ashamed.

After a while, I’m on my feet again, but I’m slumped between Rube and Bumper, who has kindly jumped into the ring to help us out. ‘You right little fella?’ he asks.

‘Yeah,’ I lie. ‘I’m right,’ and Rube and Bumper help me out of the ring.

It’s darker in here now and my sight is paralysed. Tonight it’s shame that flows down my side, as the fluorescent lights hit me. They scratch my eyes out. They blind me.

Once out of the ring, I stop. I have to.

‘What?’ Rube questions me. ‘What’s up? C’mon, we gotta get you back in the room.’

‘No,’ I say. ‘I’ve gotta walk on my own.’

Rube’s eyes search inside me then and something happens. His hands drop and he nods at me with such intensity that I nod ever so slightly back. Feeling grabs me, turns through me, and I walk.