And the screening fucking killed—I mean, I thought it was amazing, and my mom was having the time of her life, and every single executive was laughing their ass off and crying and congratulating the producers when it was done—but I could tell that Bob wasn’t having it. He was standing in the corner when it was over kind of sulking and sipping his drink, and he just looked really pissed off, you know? He was trying to hold it together, but it was like his whole vibe was heavy. He was a black hole. And I went up to him, and I was like: How are you feeling, man? What did you think? And Bob just kind of stood there for a while, and then he was like: It’s fine. They all seem happy. And I was like: You didn’t like it at all? And Bob was like: Who cares if I liked it? And I was like: Bob. Come on. You have to at least admit that it’s really cool for my mom. And Bob was like: Sure. Good for her. And I was like: Dude. What the fuck? And Bob was like: What? What do you want to hear from me? And I was like: You don’t think she comes off looking amazing? You don’t think it’ll be great for her business? And Bob just looked at me with all this venom in his face, and he was like: Who cares about her fucking business? And then he just walked away.

And I stood there feeling really angry for a moment—I mean, what the fuck, you know?—but then I just looked over at my mom, and she was being fawned over by all these executives, and they were saying all this insane shit to her about how well the show was gonna do and how much they all loved her, and it was like she didn’t even notice that Bob was being shitty. It was like she didn’t even care. She was just brimming with all this confidence.

And, honestly, in that moment, I was just so proud of her that I was like: Who cares about Bob? I just thought she looked so absolutely dope, you know? It was really next-level.

I don’t know how, but news got out that Mandy got into all these colleges—I guess some people in the admissions offices must’ve leaked it?—and so now there’s all this speculation about where she’s gonna go.

I’m not totally surprised, but a lot of people are being really shitty about the whole thing. I mean, Mandy got into some pretty serious places—like, we’re talking about some of the best schools in the country—and so naturally all of these kids who didn’t get in are like: How the fuck did this idiot get in there? It’s probably just because she’s famous.

And it’s like: Sure, I wouldn’t put it past some of these places to just let Mandy in because it would be really dope for them if she went there and it would give them all this free publicity, but like, Mandy fucking deserved to get into those schools. Like, I basically annoyed the shit out of Mandy until she told me what she got on her SATs, and I looked up what her score meant on my phone, and it was like: Whoa. Okay. I mean, we’re talking genius level. Seriously. And, meanwhile, all these idiot kids are posting shit like: If Mandy goes to my school, I might as well burn my diploma because it means nothing. I mean, obviously that’s not everybody—like, obviously, there are some really cool, like, really amazing kids who are being like: Mandy! Choose us! We love you!—but there were a few things I saw online that were just really mean-spirited, and it’s like: Why WOULDN’T you want to go to school with Mandy? You would be LUCKY to share the same space with her.