Oh, that feels nice. I might never get back up again. I now live on this couch. Please forward my mail.

“Okay, before you freak out, just listen,” she started off slowly, and I felt my entire body tense. No good conversation started with before you freak out.

I fidgeted but stayed seated. Partly because I was convinced my feet would give out on me the moment I tried to use them again and also because this was suddenly the most comfortable couch on the planet. Who cared that it was from my mom and so worn down that you could almost feel the support bar under your butt? Not me. At least, not right now.

“Okay, so,” she tried to talk, but I interrupted.

“Kayla, don’t drag whatever this is out. Just say it,” I snapped but only because if she didn’t spit it out soon, my eyes would close and not open again until morning.

“Joseph needs a date to the Social Month events, and I told him you’d do it.” Her head whipped back as she braced for my response.

I suddenly felt anything but tired. “Joseph? As in your jerk-off of a boss, Joseph?” I stuttered his name because the one time I’d met the guy, I’d made a complete ass out of myself. Sure, he’d deserved it for saying the things he’d said to me and setting me off, but still. I was embarrassed and completely okay with going the rest of my life without ever seeing his stupidly smug face again. “And you told him I’d what?”

“Go with him to some of the events.” She winced and shrugged a shoulder.

“He called me an evil troll, Kayla!” I shouted, and she started laughing. “An evil troll! And that was after insulting me numerous times.”

“He’s sorry,” she said, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

“No, he’s not.”

“You’re right. He’s not.” She exhaled loudly. “But I’m sure he will be. He can be. Whatever you need.”

“I need him to go back in time and take away all the stupid shit that came out of his mouth so that night never happened the way it did.”

“It can’t be that bad. You never told me what he said to you anyway,” she pushed, and I shook my head.

“It was bad. And I’m not repeating it,” I growled.

The memory of Kayla’s drunken boss being a complete asshole to me for no reason played in my head. I’d thought I’d gotten over it. The man meant nothing to me, but the way I was feeling right now, it could have happened last night—my anger felt so fresh.

“You’re our only option,” she announced, as if that made it a done deal.

“I can’t be. There has to be someone else. Anyone else,” I argued. “I don’t have time to go on dates. Why would you do that? Why would you suggest me, of all people? We can’t stand each other.”

She threw her hands in the air before pulling at her short brown layers. “Because he needs a date or else his mom will never leave and Eat Pray Love her life away!”