“Right.” I swallow and look away. “You were drunk. You didn’t know what you were saying. You don’t have to apologize.”

“I shouldn’t have said it when I was drunk.”

When I look back at him, his gaze is unwavering. It hasn’t left me.

“When should you have said it?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “It just shouldn’t have been last night and I shouldn’t have been drunk.”

I don’t know how to respond to that. Does that mean he meant it? Is he in love with me? If so, he has a very strange way of showing it.

“Did you talk to Ana?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Not everything,” I say. “Just that it’s complicated, but you’re not protecting him and you two made a decision not to get anyone else involved.”

“The last thing I wanted was to bring you into this,” he says. “If I answered my phone—”

“If you answered your phone, I would still be involved,” I tell him. “I was involved as soon as I went into that room with him.”

“But if I didn’t act like a dickhead when you came to my apartment—”

“You were upset,” I tell him. “We can play the what-if game for the rest of our lives, but it doesn’t change anything. What’s done is done. We just have to move forward. It doesn’t do anyone any good rehashing the past.”

He nods. “Where does that leave us?”

“I have no idea.”

I don’t exactly know how to move forward. There’s still a huge puzzle piece that’s missing. Do I just trust that he and Ana are taking care of it? Does he want a real relationship? Because I can’t do that if he plans to keep more secrets from me. I need honesty.

And someone to kiss me on demand.

“Olivia, do you think Maya will like a Santa sticker?”

“I think she’ll love one,” I tell her.

“Who’s Maya?” Chloe asks.

“My nurse. I’m making her a Christmas card.”

“Olivia’s mom is a nurse! She made up the Bandaid Dance,” Chloe says before looking at me. “Can I make her a card?”

My heart slips into the pit of my stomach and the smile on my lips falters just enough for Asher to notice.

“Of course you can,” I say. “She would love that.”

“What’s her name?”

“Charlotte.” It comes out as a whisper.

“Does she like glitter?”

“Who doesn’t love glitter?”

“One time Uncle Asher let me put glitter eyeshadow on him. It was pink.”

“And I had to scrub my face for three days,” he mumbles.

Chloe and Valentina giggle.

“I’m going to grab you guys some hot chocolate. I think they have peppermint.”

“Extra whipped cream!” Chloe says.

“And marshmallows!”