Anthony      Do you think we could curb the swearing a little this afternoon? I’m a bit on edge – I don’t like that kind of thing.

Judy      Crap. I’m going to tell the papers you ‘saved my life’.

He smiles.

Judy      You like that? That would be wild, wouldn’t it. You’d become an icon. The ‘queens’ would worship you.

Anthony      They already do …

He makes his way to the piano.

Judy      You’ll never touch me. To them, I’m a goddess. I could vomit my dinner in their laps and I’d still be glamorous.

Anthony      What a charming picture – thank you.

He is by now sat at the piano. He plays a lengthy arpeggio introduction and waits for her to sing – which she doesn’t.

Anthony      Whenever you’re ready …?

Judy      Let me warm up first.

She lights up a cigarette and takes a puff. Then signals she’s ready.

Anthony      Let’s just mark it through. See if it’s still there.

Judy      It may be – I might not.

Anthony      repeats a brief arpeggio. Judy begins to sing.

SONG
‘I CAN’T GIVE YOU ANYTHING BUT LOVE’

She has sung only the first half dozen lines of the song when suddenly the door opens and Mickey enters, interrupting.

Mickey      Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?!

Judy      Nothing much.

Mickey      Nothing m— … You threatened to jump out the window!

Judy      Negotiations, that’s all.

Anthony      There was a problem with the bill.

Judy      Shut up.

Mickey      I thought we’d paid the bill.

Judy      So did I.

Mickey      Judy – there’s twenty press in the lobby. And the BBC.

Judy      Good! Some publicity at last.

Mickey      What do I tell them?

Judy      That I was driven to despair by the size of this fucking hotel room.

Mickey      It’s the same size as all the others.

Judy      Oh, don’t start on that one again. You think I don’t know the difference?

Mickey      It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to argue about that now.

Judy      You think I want to argue? I don’t want to argue.

Mickey      You always want to argue – it’s like you can’t survive without –

Judy      That is not true, that is not –

Mickey      It’s like fucking Ritalin for you.

Judy      You’re the one that argues.

Mickey      Me?

Judy      Oh yes – always rattling along over some stupid thing or other.

Mickey      I don’t believe this –

The following speeches take place simultaneously as they try to talk over each other. Near the beginning of these speeches, Anthony starts to accompany the argument on piano, playing Mozart’s Sonata in C.