Judy I’m starving!
Mickey Room service.
Judy Not on your life.
Mickey (reluctantly giving in) … What do you want?
Judy … Roast beef.
Mickey Roast – ? I don’t know where to get that.
Judy Just drive around until you smell gravy …
Mickey sucks it up and heads for the exit.
Judy … Isn’t he handsome when he’s angry. (Shouting after Mickey.) … With horseradish!
Mickey exits, slamming the door behind him.
Anthony Shall we get on?
Judy With what?
He hands a song from his folder to her.
Anthony Let’s try the new opener.
She puts her cigarette out. He starts to play the tacky song introduction.
Judy … You’re kidding me right?
Anthony I’m only playing what’s written
SONG
‘I BELONG TO LONDON’
Judy (singing) I belong to London …
(Spoken.) … I’ll leave this lyric out, they’ll be applauding …
She crosses the line out with a pencil and then continues to sing from the third line of the song. When reaching the word ‘home’ in the lyric, she avoids singing this top note, but instead points a finger upwards.
Anthony Coward!
She then sings the final line of the song. The piano plays out.
She starts to cough a little. He fetches her a glass of water.
Judy … What a shitty song …!
He hands her the water.
Anthony Here.
Judy Thank you.
Anthony Always a pleasure, never a chore.
Judy Oh, you’re all so polite here, I love it. (She drinks and then stares blankly at the glass.) Whenever I drink water I always feel I’m missing out on something … There has to be a tablet somewhere I could take.
Anthony There’s nothing here.
Judy Don’t I know it.
Anthony It’s great that you’re managing without.
Judy It’s not easy. Especially when I know there’s a doctor a block away ready to provide me with anything I want.
Anthony Without a prescription?
Judy Sometimes even without an autograph … I’ve been doing this for over thirty years, there isn’t a trick I can’t pull. Back in LA I had pills sewn into the hems of dresses, taped to the back of furniture. It wasn’t the police who raided me, it was the family. And they’re worse. When your sister-in-law finds a bottle of Benzedrine hidden in your panties, you don’t even have rights to an attorney.
Anthony Maybe she was just trying to help you.
Judy I didn’t need help – I needed pills. No one ever got a grip of that. Least of all Minnelli. And Sid didn’t know the half of it.
Anthony Do you miss – any of them?
Judy No. But I miss … being loved.
Anthony I didn’t think there was anyone more loved than you.
Judy That’s not the same, Anthony – and you know it. But that’s all changed. I have Mickey now.
Anthony Yes, and at such speed. We should phone the Guinness Book of Records.