I should be having lunch right now, but I think practicing my relaxation and meticulous handwriting is more important for my psychosomatic health. So, since later on I’ll get caught up, as always, in a chain of events that have nothing to do with me, and I won’t find the moments of calm that are indispensable/indispensable (I repeat the word because I’ve noticed I tend to rush long words and don’t pay attention to forming each letter); indispensable, I was saying (and I’ll say it again: indispensable), for the intense mental concentration that exercises like these require, I decided to prioritize this activity and put off—at no small personal sacrifice—my lunch. T T That was a very long and complicated sentence. It’s nice to see that today I’m keeping the muscles in my hand and arm that aren’t used for writing relatively relaxed, and that, at the same time, my handwriting’s quite even ( compared with previous days, when I’d only just adopted this approach). Now I have to extend the relaxation, little by little, to the rest of my body, which will be no small feat.

September 7

Concentration. Relaxation. Focus on forming the letters and focus on your muscles. The only ones you should be using are the ones involved in holding the ballpoint and moving it as you write; that is, the muscles in the thumb, index finger, and middle finger of the right hand, and the muscles in the wrist (which seem to affect the little finger) and the forearm, which needs to glide slowly over the surface of the desk. The biceps also do some work (I can feel it), but I don’t know if they’re supposed to or if it’s just a needless contraction. The rest of the muscles in my body should be relaxed, but they’re not. This is called tension, and it’s what I have to work on correcting, while my hand’s unhurried activity becomes automatic. For too long now I’ve been unable to loosen up, at least as completely as I used to be able to.

I’m carrying on after an interruption (an in no way uncommon occurrence in this house) (and one of the reasons why I can’t loosen up properly). Now another interruption. This house is hardly a monastery of monks bound by a vow of silence.

The situation, however, is less serious than at other points in my life, for example the period I went through about ten years ago, even if it’s more serious in terms of the internal factors that keep me from relaxing. And I’m putting my faith in these exercises, at least as a starting point. Today I managed to pay attention to both arms as I was writing, though I didn’t form the letters so well as a result.

September 8