“As a good man is much better than a good dog, a vicious man is much worse than a vicious dog,” Marcus said. “And one of my kind who turns evil is far worse than either. Nothing is evil in the beginning, for Elyon creates only good. I knew Morningstar and admired him. He was the very best of all creation. Now he is Beelzebub, the very worst. I see in him what I could have become. It frightens me. The greatest evil is done by those created for the highest good. He will never give up trying to draw you from the King, Nick. Not until he is bound or you are home, forever out of his grasp. For now, you must keep up your guard. So must I.”

That night sleep eluded me. The Impostor’s bony finger pointed at me, accused me, gloated over me. I felt so dirty and stupid, such a great fool. Finally I fell asleep, hoping for rest, but my dream erupted into horrible nightmares of betrayal and filth, as if a bulbous boil within me were lanced and my dream was its wretched discharge.

I vaulted out of my dream and crawled to Shad to wake him.

“I’m so unworthy,” I whispered.

“Yes, you are,” he answered. “As am I.”

“I’ll never try to lead again.”

“Let that be the King’s decision,” Shad said. “He must soften the clay before he can sculpt the work of art. Sometimes he must first hurt those he would use. For he uses those who learn from their failures.”

“Learn what?”

“To trust him more and themselves less. He who would lead others to the King must first learn to follow him humbly.” Shad paused. “I confess this is something I’ve often failed at. I, too, need to ask your forgiveness.”

Surprised at his words, I nodded. “I know he’s forgiven me,” I said. “But I can’t forgive myself.”

“Are your standards higher than his? Don’t raise up yourself or bring down him by refusing to believe what he’s told you. Don’t pretend your tolerance for sin is less than his. I speak from experience—for every failure of yours I have committed many more, including the sins of pride and self-righteousness that pursue me like bloodhounds on a scent. Whenever they catch me, I must go back to the King again, as he tells us to. And acknowledging my unworthiness, I must receive his gift of grace. You and I both must learn to accept his atonement—not try to repeat it.”