But there had been more to his choice than that. Archellia was his home now, and it was right in the path of whatever was brewing out on the Rim. Carson, in his own way, was here for Lise, for his new child. To protect them, to stand in the way of whatever might threaten Archellia, and the rest of the Confederation.

He could have stayed behind, left that duty to others. But that wasn’t who he was. He’d hated leaving her in tears, but he was far more terrified of the prospect of one day looking into her eyes and seeing that she was staring back at a stranger, a man utterly different from the one she’d fallen in love with. The man he’d have become if he’d been willing to turn his back on his own values.

He sighed softly. He’d done what he had to do, but he was still troubled. He understood why he had made his decision, but he wasn’t sure she did. And the thought of her believing he just didn’t care enough to do as she asked cut at him deeply.

He got up and walked across the tiny room, leaning over and flipping on the workstation screen at his desk. The letter was still there, in all its generic warmth and caring. He could tell that she’d struggled to send him a pleasant message, to avoid burdening him with any bad feelings while he was in action. But he saw right through the canned affection, and he felt as if he was back in his quarters on Archellia, having the same fight they’d had before he left.

I’m sorry, Lise. I hope I can make you understand why I had to go, when I get back…

Carson looked over at the small clock next to his bunk. Two hours fifty-three minutes to go. Duty would be a relief, an escape from the thoughts haunting him in his dark quarters.

He sat down in the chair, landing hard. He reached out to the screen, scrolling pages, bringing up Lise’s letter again. He read it, at least half of it, then he shook his head and flicked his finger, flipping back to the main screen. There was no point in brooding now, in stewing in guilt or sadness or whatever this was. He had a job to do, and for all the crushing fatigue bearing down on him, all he wanted was to be back at it.