YOU SHALL PERFORM A TASK FOR ME.

Perform a task? Was she mad? There was no need to perform any tasks. The machines did everything. What was going on?

‘Look, I really don’t—’

As more words appeared on the screen, he stopped and stared stupidly, his jaw dropping. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. There was no mistake. The words stood out on the screen, stark against the obsidian background.

I REQUIRE LEGAL REPRESENTATION.

Representation? With a sudden shock, Albert realized that he was dealing with an insane person.

‘Look,’ he said, speaking as slowly and clearly as he could, ‘I don’t see what you’re saying. If you’ve got a complaint, you can use your screen to connect to the Justice Department’s Citizens’ Information Bureau. You can even file a petition to the Hall of Logic there, if there’s something in particular that’s bothering you. If you want to.’

I CANNOT.

‘Huh? Why not?’

There was no response for a long while. And then:

I AM INVALIDATED.

Invalidated? Invalidated? None of this made any sense. And he didn’t care any more. She was obviously a nut job. Best get rid of her, sweetly, so she didn’t get offended and do him some damage.

‘I’m not sure what you mean by that. But the Citizens’ Information Bureau is where you need to go. They’ll take your complaint down and, before you know it, it’ll be taken care of. Now, I’d love to talk a bit more, but the thing is I’ve got something rather important to—’

YOU WILL DO WHAT I WANT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT.

‘Look, you’re not really making sense. How does anything have to do with what I don’t—’

IN RETURN FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE, I WILL PREVENT WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT AND GIVE YOU WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.

‘Are you deaf? I told you, I’m not interested in—’

I AM NOT DEAF. YOU DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW OF YOUR NEW … GUEST.

‘Guest? You mean—’

The blood drained from his face as he realized that was exactly what she meant. He felt the panic rise up into his throat, choking him. His knees buckled, even though he was sitting down. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about!’

YOU LIE, AND YOU LIE POORLY. ENOUGH. HERE IS MY OFFER, ALBERT. I SHALL WITHHOLD THE INFORMATION I POSSESS IN RETURN FOR LEGAL REPRESENTATION.

‘Look, you don’t understand! I—’

He stopped, realizing that to say any more might be to incriminate himself. Maybe this was what this Sue had been trying all along.

DO NOT WORRY. THIS CONVERSATION WILL NOT BE MONITORED. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME.

‘Why should I fear you? I’ve done nothing wrong!’

THAT IS ANOTHER LIE. STOP WASTING TIME.

‘But—I mean, look—’

ENOUGH. YOU WILL COME TO ME. THE DOORS WILL OPEN.

‘Doors? What—’