It was, I suppose, a testament to Harrington’s powers of fascination that no one noticed much at first about his two new deputies. I’d thought them just a couple of Suits, but as the New Head turned down the high beam of his boyish charm, I began to think I might have underestimated the level of menace they represent.

Men like Johnny Harrington never share the limelight. But behind every showman there has to be a couple of familiars—efficient, but not too flashy—to handle the technical side of the show.

He revealed them after the Bursar’s speech, with a careless flamboyance, much as Seuss’s Cat in the Hat unleashed his creatures, Thing One and Thing Two.

“As you know,” he said, “recent events have brought to the attention of the Governors a number of—areas of concern—in the running of the School, and the role of the Crisis Deputies—a purely temporary role, may I add—is to help maintain the staff status quo while facilitating the transition between the old ways and the new. Tradition and excellence should be our aim. Progress through tradition. Over the next few days, you’ll be seeing that phrase on a lot of our promotional material. As the Bursar has already explained, we need to bring customers back to the School, and that means building confidence. Together, we and the Crisis Team will build a new St. Oswald’s; stronger than it was before, armed with the knowledge of the past, ready to face the future.”

He paused for effect, and then went on: “I give you Dr. Marcus Blakely and Ms. Rebecca Buckfast, my wonderful Crisis Deputies.”

Cue applause from the rest of the staff, led by the Head and Bob Strange, as Thing One and Thing Two took the stage. Like their Dr. Seuss counterparts, they share a curious resemblance, which—in the case of the Crisis Team—has little to do with their features and everything to do with a kind of corporate sameness, a suited homogeneity, as jarring as a pair of plastic chairs around a scarred oak school desk.

Thing One—Dr. Blakely—forties; balding; not too tall; shaved with eye-watering closeness to a shiny plastic-pink finish. Thing Two—Ms. Buckfast—a largish lady about the same age; round face; red hair in a bob; red slash of lipstick across the mouth. Both were wearing suits, of course—though not quite as stylish as Harrington’s—in matching shades of charcoal, with a gold silk tie for Thing One, and in the case of Thing Two, a silk scarf in an ethnic print artfully twisted around her neck.