Poodle’s mother took the lead, with the Church’s help, of course. A group of regular preachers, including Goldie’s dad, Mr. Speight, and some visitors from another Church, got together, had some talks, and finally staged a Group Event. I didn’t join in. I could have, but I’d been through something similar after what happened at Netherton Green, and I didn’t want reminding. I still remember what it was like: standing in front of everyone; the shouting; the chorusing; the noise; the way the preacher spoke to me, as if I wasn’t really there, but somewhere else, and floating. And then there was the baptism, in a font of water. Not so much a baptism as a drowning, I thought at the time; a means of getting those demons out. But the water was cold; and his hand on my head was pushing me under the surface; and the noise of the congregation was a giant clatter and baffle and roar, and I couldn’t breathe, and I thought I would die—

“Why didn’t he go to the Chaplain?” said my dad to Poodle’s mum.

As if Dr. Burke would have known what to do. A useless jellyfish of a man, who couldn’t spot a real problem if it were happening right under his nose. I didn’t say that to Dad, of course. But honestly, the idea of going to the Chaplain for any kind of personal advice is just too hilarious for words. He’d probably just tell you to run a few laps, take a shower, and pray.

Poor Poodle. Goldie says he’s been ill. Stomach flu or something. But Goldie has other things on his mind. Or rather, one thing. Becky Price, the red-haired Flamingo girl from Church. Turns out she’s a hottie—at least as far as third base—and Goldie’s completely obsessed, both with her and with all the nasty thoughts that generally come with the ­package.

“Just don’t tell my dad,” he said. “He’s nuts about chastity. If he finds out about me and Beck, he’ll go crazy. He’s done it before.”

Turns out Goldie’s dad once caught him playing with himself in bed or something, and came to the conclusion that he’d been corrupted by the other kids at his school. I can’t say I’m surprised, actually. It’s what I would have expected of him.

Goldie grinned. “You would, though,” he said. “Given a chance, wouldn’t you?”