To celebrate, I broke open a new packet of custard creams and put the antique globe mini-bar to use for the first time. Glasses were raised to my future literary success, which promises to shine as brightly as the disco ball Dave had tried to hang from the ceiling until I told him to get down from my writing desk.

It was when they’d left that I made my second resolution of the year: by the time I finish this diary, I will have created something of note in that shed, a work of importance that will silence my critics (Toby Salt) and my doubters (Sophie, myself, etc.).

For once in my life, I need to focus. But I know my own foibles and frailties only too well. The world – with all of its temptations and distractions – must be blocked out for a while. And out of all those temptations and distractions, Liz is the most tempting and distracting of all.

I reached for my phone to tell her I’d be incommunicado for a few weeks; I was sure she’d understand. There was already a message waiting for me from her:

I’ve changed my mind again.

My new favourite Smiths song is ‘How Soon is Now?’.

Again, I couldn’t fault her choice. It was six minutes and forty-four seconds of undisputed magnificence (or three minutes and forty-one seconds if you were listening to the somewhat inferior seven-inch single). But I knew there was more to Liz’s selection than that. For once, I needed to rise to the challenge:

I’m sorry. I always go about things the wrong way.

I promise you I can be better.

There’s just something I need to do first

and I won’t be around for a couple of weeks.

Perhaps when I’m back we could catch a bus together.

Brian x

I pressed send and turned off my phone. Draining my glass of wine, I reached for another custard cream.

Eat, drink, and be merry – for tomorrow I write!

Monday June 11th

Not quite the first day I’d hoped for, if I’m honest.

Tuesday June 12th

Still settling into my new environs.

Wednesday June 13th

I think my chair was too low. I’ve adjusted it now.

Thursday June 14th

I don’t think it was the chair.

Friday June 15th

Saturday June 16th

Dylan came over. I am finding it very hard to write with all these interruptions.

Sunday June 17th

I’ve started to read Gibbon’s Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. It has 1.5 million words.

Monday June 18th

Still reading Gibbon. It’s taking longer than I thought.

Tuesday June 19th

I have discovered that the Roman Constitution in the Age of the Antonines is not nearly as interesting as it sounds.

Wednesday June 20th

I threw Gibbon Volume III at the window today and now there is broken glass all over the floor of my writing shed.