‘What would you like to be when you grow up?’ Liz asked, as we got to work on our final pints.

I stared into my pint in search of an answer.

‘I don’t know. Just . . . somebody, I suppose,’ I answered after a while. ‘I don’t mean anything grand by that. I don’t want to be famous. Or rich. I just don’t want to end up being a nobody, that’s all. I’d like to be somebody. Somebody who’s really good at being me.’

‘Aren’t you good at being that already?’

‘No, not really. It doesn’t come easily to me.’

I took a big gulp of Guinness.

‘Well, whoever it is you’re being,’ said Liz, ‘I think you’re doing a good job of it.’

‘And you?’ I asked. ‘What about you?’

‘I don’t think I ever want to be grown up.’

The rain had stopped by the time we left the pub and I walked Liz to the bus stop. The bus was pulling up as we got there. She turned to ask me whether I’d like to go back to hers for coffee.

I must have panicked. I’d meant to say yes but before I knew it I was explaining how I don’t really drink coffee these days because I need to be careful with my caffeine consumption as it makes me vulnerable to spells of insomnia AND my GP warned me off it because my cholesterol levels are borderline high, and besides, I feel uneasy about this coffee culture that has grown up in recent years, most likely due to the popularity of Friends, because it just feels like we’re being sold a lifestyle, based on a kind of faux New Yorker sophistication, whereas in reality, it’s all about corporations trying to empty our pockets . . .

As the bus pulled away, I saw Liz looking down at me with disappointment from the top deck.

I walked through the puddles to my own bus stop and lifted my head up to the sky. It looked like the heavens might open once more. Come, friendly bombs, and fall on me.

Saturday June 2nd

The Schleswig-Holstein Questions

1. What was Schleswig’s profession?

A. Sailor      B. Composer      C. Owl      D. Great Dane

2. Where was Holstein born?

A. Sweden      B. Brentwood      C. Schleswig      D. Ukraine

3. What was the relationship between Schleswig and Holstein?

A. Brothers      B. Lovers      C. Troubled      D. Secure

4. Which protocol was violated by King Christian IX?

A. Don’t know      B. Don’t care      C. Beats me      D. Unsure

5. Why did Prussia become involved?

A. Why not?      B. No clue      C. Because      D. Search me

6. The Baltic was of strategic importance. But was it an insect, a river or larger mass of water?

A. Bee      B. Dee      C. Eh?      D. Sea

7. How do Guildenstern and Rosencrantz fit into it all?

A. They don’t      B. They won’t      C. Who knows      D. They’re dead