‘Whenever I see a Duchamp, I always think about what a good chess player he was – although he could never quite translate his success in France to the international stage, as we can see from his Olympiad record of four wins, twenty-two draws and twenty-six losses.’

We were looking at Picasso’s Weeping Woman, and I was halfway through telling her Picasso’s full name, when Liz interrupted:

‘Thanks for all the trivia, Brian. But how does this painting make you feel?’

I must admit this threw me. There was nothing in the books that prepared me for this. There was nothing in them about how I felt. I stared at the Weeping Woman, thinking hard.

‘Wittgenstein once said that “What can be shown cannot be said”,’ I responded, channelling my inner Tomas.

Liz nodded at this, although I couldn’t help thinking she seemed a little disappointed, too, as if this was a test and I’d come up short.

I kept the rest of my facts to myself as we continued our tour of the gallery. An hour or so later, we parted at the bus shelter in an awkward embrace, half-hug, half-sideways feint, as the bus approached. Just before she climbed aboard, she said: ‘I enjoyed today. We should do it again,’ before handing me her phone number on the back of a beer mat she’d stolen from the cafeteria.

Saturday May 26th

Love is Where the Lines Join Up

I’ve been doing maths revision with Dylan today. For once, I did not throw his books down in a fit of pique, attempt to worm my way out of it or suggest watching television. Instead, we got down to it for four hours – algebra, ratios, geometry and probability, taking in two-way tables, tree diagrams and Venn diagrams along the way.

I find there’s something very beautiful about a Venn diagram; it’s all in the way the curves intersect.

Sunday May 27th

‘ARE YOU READY?!!!’

We were watching British grime artist Diamond Gee-Zah (real name: Dennis Pike). The audience shouted back as if to say yes, we are ready, for all moments have led to this moment, and we find ourselves poised and primed in this near-perfect state of readiness. I could see Darren joining in but I didn’t add my voice to the response as I waited at the bar for another two pints.

‘I SAID, “ARE YOU READY???!!!” ’

The crowd was roaring now as they approached peak readiness.

That’s how it continued for most of the night against a backdrop of bass vibration and beats, pogoing and stomping. It was a rather intense, noisy affair for a Sunday evening, and I found myself wishing it was last Friday again, contemplating the slaughtered corpses of cows preserved in formaldehyde, with Liz.

‘I SAID . . . “ARE . . . YOU . . . READY???!!!” ’

Was I ready? Now there was a question.