Forensics want to take a look at it, apparently, to see how the typography might compare with various correspondence found in Toby Salt’s house. I told Sergeant Tuck that he was welcome to it; the keys always got stuck and I’d never quite worked out how to change the ribbon.

Before he left, Sergeant Tuck asked rather awkwardly if he might borrow a few copies of Well Versed magazine for ‘background reading’ so he could try and understand a little more the ‘mind of a poet’. I loaded him up with the last three years’ worth and was glad to relieve some of the pressure on my bookshelves.

Saturday November 10th

Exclamation Mark

Mark was his name!

He would shout and proclaim!

Every sentence he wrote

would end just the same!

He would assert! He would blurt!

He would ejaculate and spurt!

Each line was a screamer!

A gasper! A slammer! A shrieker!

A literary loudspeaker!!!

It all began to needle and nark!

Why did no one think to question Mark?

Stuart was on the doorstep again, exclaiming at me.

‘Brian! What a beautiful autumnal day! Such magnificent colours!’

I closed my eyes and willed him to disappear.

‘You know, days like this almost make me wish we weren’t upping sticks and heading to New England!’

I opened my eyes. It hadn’t worked. He was still there.

‘Still, what an exciting time for Dylan. He’ll love it! Anyway, gotta dash! Sponsored hop! Indonesian lepers!’

Back inside, I asked Dylan about last Saturday but he looked all shifty and tried to change the subject. The poor boy looks increasingly ground down by all of Stuart’s high energy and positivity. I played him some Radiohead to help restore his equilibrium and then we settled down on the sofa to watch a Mike Leigh film, our happiness warming us like a blanket.

Sunday November 11th

The Book of My Enemy Has Been Selling Rather Well

The book of my enemy has been selling rather well

And I am distraught.

In huge quantities it has been shifting

Like drugs on a street corner, bought

By customers looking for a quick fix

Of culture. My enemy’s much-praised effort is stacked

Twenty copies deep on the front tables,

A sticker which denotes ‘3 for the Price of 2’ is attached –

Among all the cocksure and pre-ordained

Paper skyscrapers from big-budget

Marketing campaigns.

His volume – described as a ‘tour de force’ –

By the Sunday Times poetry critic –

No longer keeps the company

Of Seamus Heaney and Maya Angelou.

That worldly wise lyrical beauty is two floors up.

No, my enemy’s acclaimed collection

Prefers to rub its shoulders with Joe Wicks,

The ‘Body Coach’, and his 15-minute schemes

To keep you lean and healthy.

The book of my enemy has been selling rather well

And I’m as sick as hell.