I realised she’d moved on from talking about the street party. I attempted to bring up the subject of her sawing but she slammed the door in my face before I could continue. I went back in, thinking dark thoughts, and waited for news of a job.

Thursday August 30th

Three rejection letters arrived today. I headed off to book group in pugilistic mood.

Frustratingly, they broke the first rule almost straight away and began to talk about Fight Club. They then proceeded to break the second. I yelled STOP! and went limp but they carried on regardless. If I’d known they were going to talk about it, I’d have taken the time to read it.

I sat there sullenly with my dry roasted peanuts for the rest of the evening, unresisting to their jabs concerning my lack of commitment, slowly getting punch drunk.

Friday August 31st

It is Friday night. I am sat at the kitchen table, with four more rejection letters spread out around me, and with a cat on my lap and a glass of wine in my hand. In order to get everything into perspective, I have made a list of all the good and bad things to do with my current situation:

Bad Things

1. I am broke. I have squandered my redundancy money on a writing shed I do not use. This is all thanks to Toby Salt’s advice in a poetry magazine.

2. My attempts to become a writer have been a total failure. Unlike Toby Salt’s, whose rise to fame is as dramatic as it is inexplicable.

3. I now have to find myself a proper job again (see 1 and 2, including Toby Salt-related sub-points).

I appear to be unsuited to every vacancy.

4. I have messed things up with Liz. Although this is mainly Toby Salt’s fault.

5. Dylan is leaving. This is because of ‘Stuart’ although there must be some kind of Toby Salt connection in there somewhere. Perhaps they are brothers.

6. I have forty-three followers on Twitter. Toby Salt has 7,872.

7. I am on the verge of being kicked out of book group on account of not reading the books, due to all the distraction with this Toby Salt business.

8. I did that thing I shouldn’t have done.

Good Things

1. Poetry Club is now mercifully free of Toby Salt.

2. The cat still loves me.

3. I have this bottle of wine.

Dylan once told me to concentrate on the positives so I shall try to do just that. I will pour myself another glass of wine and write a poem to cheer myself up.

The pleasure of a glass of wine

to toast the passing of the week;

the merlot serves to wash away

its sour and sweat-soaked reek.

Sitting back I let it soften

the dog-toothed edges of my mind,

thwarted frown, unfurrowed brow,

I pour another glass of wine.

I try not to think of TobyS alt

&my disused writing shed,

replenisch my glass a fewmore times