"Old Sparky is the electric chair. If they catch you, they strap you into Old Sparky, put some wires on your head, and fry you up like bacon. Does that sound like fun?" They shook their heads, no. "So the very first lesson is not to get caught," I said. "Remember the piranhas?" They nodded. "They look ferocious, so people know they're dangerous." "But Dexter, we don't look ferocious," Astor said.

"No, you don't," I said. "And you don't want to. We are supposed to be people, not piranhas. But the idea is the same, to look like something you are not. Because when something bad happens, that's who everyone will look for first-the ferocious people. You need to look like sweet, lovable, normal children."

"Can I wear makeup?" Astor asked. "When you're older," I said. "You say that about everything!" she said.

"And I mean it about everything," I said. "You got caught this time because you went off on your own and didn't know what you were doing. You didn't know what you were doing because you didn't listen to me." I decided the torture had gone on long enough and I sat down on the couch in between them. "No more doing anything without me, okay? And when you promise this time, you better mean it." They both looked slowly up at me and then nodded. "We promise," Astor said softly, and Cody, even softer, echoed, "Promise." "Well then," I said. I took their hands and we shook solemnly.

"Good," I said. "Now let's go apologize to your mom." They both jumped up, radiating relief that the hideous ordeal was over, and I followed them out of the room, closer to feeling self-satisfied than I could remember feeling before.

Maybe there was something to this whole fatherhood thing after all.

THIRTY-TWO

S UN TZU, A VERY SMART MAN, IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT he has been dead for so long, wrote a book called The Art of War, and one of the many clever observations he made in the book was that every time something awful happens, there's a way to turn it to your advantage, if you just look at things properly. This is not New Age California Pollyanna thinking, insisting that if life gives you lemons you can always make Key Lime pie. It is, rather, very practical advice that comes in handy a lot more than you might think.

At the moment, for instance, my problem was how to continue training Cody and Astor in the Harry Way now that they had been busted by their mother. And in looking for a solution I remembered good old Sun Tzu and tried to imagine what he might have done. Of course, he had been a general, so he probably would have attacked the left flank with cavalry or something, but surely the principles were the same.