“I know these months have been hard on you. I know you’ve suffered doubly because you feel God betrayed your trust in Him. But, Gloriana—He hasn’t betrayed you, nor did He betray your father. He was there on the Ana Eileen with my brother and your father and the others. He never left them for a moment, and when that ship went down, God met them in the depths and welcomed them home.”

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat and pull away, but Luke held her fast.

“Don’t let the devil have a hold on your heart,” he continued. “You have so much love to give. I see you with Sally and JT, and I know there is such kindness and joy in you. Your loss—my loss . . . they are hard to bear and will continue to be for some time. But we aren’t alone in this. God is not some cruel prankster playing a game with us. He is the sovereign God of the universe—the Maker of all creation, and yet He knows our every tear, our pain, our loss.”

She couldn’t look away from Luke’s loving gaze. He spoke to her from the intimate depth of his soul. How could she doubt the truth of what he shared?

He touched her cheek, and it was nearly Gloriana’s undoing. She shook her head and lowered her gaze. “I should be so grateful for all I have, and I know I need to be cheerful for JT—and strong for him. But I have so little strength. I think the wall I’ve put up between myself and God has caused me to lose all hope. I just can’t seem to tear down the bricks. They are firmly in place, put there by anger, accusation, and bitterness.”

“Just talk to Him, Gloriana. Just tell God what you’re feeling and thinking. He can hear through the bricks. He already knows what you’ll say, but it will do your soul good to tell Him.” Luke kissed her forehead.

Gloriana wished it had been her lips he kissed, but she knew that until she resolved matters with God, she was no good to anyone.

Luke left after that, and Gloriana stood for a long time in front of the fire, pondering her soul and the sadness she felt. Could God even forgive her for her anger? She had failed His test of faith—she had denied Him three times at least.

She sank into her mother’s soft old chair and wept.

Chapter 13

Gloriana awoke Christmas morning and realized by the silence in the house that no one else was yet stirring. It seemed strange that the baby still slept, but she decided to enjoy these moments of solitude and ponder the day.