Chapter 13

Gloriana awoke Christmas morning and realized by the silence in the house that no one else was yet stirring. It seemed strange that the baby still slept, but she decided to enjoy these moments of solitude and ponder the day.

Stretching, she snuggled deeper into the covers. She had dreaded the coming of Christmas each year since losing her mother. Mama was the one who had always made Christmas a special time. Now that job fell to Gloriana, and she felt woefully inadequate. Especially this year.

She thought of all the Christmases she’d enjoyed as a child. Waking up on Christmas morning, the first sensation was always the blended aroma of so many wonderful things to eat. Mama would get cinnamon rolls in the oven before church and pull them out to cool just before the family headed out to worship. There was the scent of coffee and other delicious smells in the air, and Gloriana could hardly contain her excitement.

The weeks before Christmas, she and her mother would make candy and cookies, if money and supplies permitted. It was difficult to get supplies in Duluth during the winter months. Often her father and other fishermen would put on snowshoes and trek to Superior or even farther for much-needed medicines or food. Because of all the stories of these long journeys, Gloriana thought they must surely live at the very top of the world. She remembered seeing a map when she finally went to school. They weren’t at the very top, but they weren’t that far either.

She remembered the celebration they had when Minnesota became an official territory in 1849 and then a state in 1858. She had thought it a grand thing, although some people resented the restrictions and new laws it put on the land. Her father told her that coming under the authority of the United States offered them protection, rather like she was protected as his daughter. It made her feel safe.

Gloriana pushed back the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Stretching again, she lit a candle. The soft glow of light was adequate without being intrusive. She grabbed her robe and glanced into the cradle. Sally’s lips pursed and sucked, but she slept on. The sight made Gloriana smile. What a precious creation. She marveled at how God had sculpted tiny fingers and toes, little ears and mouth. It dawned on her that she was thinking of God’s amazing creation, and she reflected on the ongoing war she’d been having with her emotions and heart. There was just so much pain to overcome.

She knew Pastor Sedgwick and Luke would both suggest she give that pain over to God—let Him take her burden and bear it for her. Still, Gloriana felt her anger rise up. If God loved her so much, then why hadn’t He saved her father? Why had He allowed her mother to get sick and die? Why had he taken Tabby and Aaron? How could that possibly equate to love?