Life is for the living. That was what Toby would say if he were here to see her melting down over him more than fourteen years after his death. They’d lost their grandmother a few years before he died, and when Erin said she felt guilty for rarely visiting her gravesite, that had been Toby’s reply. He’d said their grandmother wouldn’t want them to feel guilty about not going to the cemetery, because they’d been devoted to her in life, which was what really mattered.

Erin reached for a tissue from the box on the counter and dabbed at her eyes, hoping she could get this situation under control so she wouldn’t have to reappear with red eyes. She took a deep breath, held it for a long count and then released it. Earlier in the day, she’d talked to her parents, who were visiting with her other grandmother for Christmas.

Over the years, they’d gotten out of the habit of making a big deal of holidays, because it was just too painful. They preferred to spend time together on regular days that weren’t so fraught with memories and regrets and family expectations.

A soft knock sounded on the door. “Er? You okay?”

Erin checked her appearance in the mirror and took another deep breath before she opened the door to Jenny, forcing a smile for her friend’s benefit. “Hey, sorry. I’m fine.”

Jenny took a careful look at Erin, tilting her head. “No, you’re not. What is it?”

“Oh, the usual holiday thing,” she said, affecting nonchalance. “I just had a little moment, but I’m fine now.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Jenny said softly.

“I don’t want to ruin our lovely day.”

“You’re not ruining anything. It sneaks up sometimes when we least expect it. Happened to me last night.”

“Really?” Erin was ashamed to realize she’d assumed Jenny was so happy with Alex that she rarely thought of Toby anymore.

Jenny stepped into the room and closed the door. “I think of him every single day,” she said softly in response to Erin’s unspoken thought. “Nothing could ever change that.”

“I didn’t mean to imply—”

“Erin, honey, I know you didn’t. It’s only natural for people to think I’ve moved on with Alex. I’m happy again, so why would I dwell on the grief of the past? But you and I both know it’s not that simple.” As she rested her hand over her heart, her eyes filled with tears. “He will always be with me. Always.” Jenny cleared her throat and took the tissue Erin handed her. “Do you remember at our wedding when Alex and I lit three candles and then the unity candle?”

“I can’t say I noticed that.”