It’s as if the Lucy I’m facing is nineteen again, and I’m suddenly shaky inside, overwhelmed by the loss of time, by the betrayal of nature as it gives us life and instantly begins to take it back. Days become months. Years become a decade and longer, and here I am on my niece’s driveway remembering myself at her age. As much as I knew about death I really didn’t know that much about life.

I just thought I did, and I’m aware of how I must look as I limp along on Lucy’s property as it’s being raided by the FBI two months after I was shot with a spear gun. I’m thinner and my hair needs cutting. I’m slow and at war with inertia and gravity. I can’t silence Carrie’s voice in my mind and I don’t want to hear it. I feel a stab of pain and suddenly I feel angry.

“Hey. You okay?” Lucy is watching me carefully.

“Yes. I’m sorry.” I look up at the helicopter and take a deep breath, calm again. “I’m just trying to sort through what’s going on.”

“Why are you here? How did you know to be here?”

“Because you sent an urgent message?” It’s Marino who answers. “How else would we know?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know.” His vintage Ray-Bans bore into her. “You let us know you have some sort of emergency and we dropped what we’re doing. We literally left a damn dead body on the floor.”

“Not exactly,” I reply.

“What?” She seems genuinely amazed and baffled.

“A text message landed on my phone,” I explain. “From your In Case of Emergency line.”

“I promise it wasn’t from me. Maybe from them.” She means the FBI.

“How?”

“I’m telling you it wasn’t from me. So you got a message? And that’s why you suddenly decided to show up here in a crime scene truck?” She doesn’t believe us. “Why the hell are you really here?”

“Let’s focus on why they are.” I glance up at the helicopter.

“Benton,” she again accuses. “You’re here because he tipped you off.”

“No. I promise.” I pause on the driveway, resting for a second. “He indicated nothing to either of us. He has nothing to do with why I decided to rush here, Lucy.”

“What did you do?” Marino has a way of acting as if everybody is guilty of something.

“I’m not sure why they’re here,” Lucy replies. “I’m not sure of anything except I got suspicious early this morning that something was up.”

“Based on?” Marino asks.

“Someone was on the property.”

“Who?”

“I never saw whoever it was. There was nobody on the cameras. But motion sensors went off.”

“Maybe a small animal.” I start walking again very slowly.