I unscrew the cap and pull out the dropper. The tincture inside is thick and golden. It smells sweetly herbal and is nothing like some of the home-brewed extracts I’ve seen, black tarry pastes that are too bitter to hold under your tongue or mix with food or drink, and the memory of why I researched all this is jolting. It catches me by surprise swiftly, sadly, powerfully.

Not that long ago I learned more about medical marijuana than I ever thought I needed to know, talking to experts, scouring the Internet and ordering what legal products I could when I learned that Janet’s sister was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I talked to physicians who specialize in alternative medicine. I read every journal article I could find. Nothing I could procure legally was going to help Natalie, and I felt absolutely awful about it. I still do when I remember the late-night discussions, the unfairness, the distress, and Lucy’s combative language when I said we’d done as much as we could. Legally we had.

Fuck ’em. Watch what’s next, was her answer, and I remember when she said it she and Janet were sitting on the circular bench around the big magnolia tree in my backyard. The sun was going down and we were drinking a small batch bourbon, and they were talking about the chemotherapy. Natalie couldn’t eat. She could scarcely hold down water. She was in pain, anxious and depressed, and what she needed was medical marijuana. It isn’t legal in Virginia. It is here in Massachusetts, but to date there’s no appropriate product available. Just bud, which is riskier to bootleg according to Lucy.

Weed is harder to hide from drug dogs and disapproving people, she pointed out.

We were having dinner at my house when she said this after the conversation had turned angry. Lucy made threats and I don’t want to be asked about it under oath. I can imagine the likes of a Jill Donoghue ripping into me:

Doctor Scarpetta, does your niece ever make statements to you about having no respect for the law?

Only when they’re stupid laws.

That’s a yes?

Partly.

What has she said exactly?

Which time?

How about recently?

She said that she doesn’t obey stupid laws made by stupid corrupt people. That wasn’t very long ago.

And a red flag didn’t go up?

Not literally.