It’s too late, though. By the time I make it back to the bed, Giovanni is awake. He sits up and narrows his glare at me. And I know today is not the day I get my husband back. I sigh. I’m stupid for even thinking that I’m ever going to see the man I fell in love with again. Whoever he was, he’s gone. He’s not ever coming back.

“What are you doing?” he grunts at me.

“I needed the bathroom,” I lie. I will not tell him that Gio was in here. I won’t let anything touch my children.

“Liar. The bathroom isn’t through that door,” Giovanni says while pushing out of bed.

“No… I know… I just… I got confused,” I stutter. My heart picks up speed. I know there is no escaping his wrath. If he chooses to lash out at me, then I can’t stop him. That’s something I’ve come to accept.

It’s a small price to pay to be with my boys. I can’t leave them. They need me. I need them. All the beatings, the abuse… it’s a small price to pay to have my children.

“You got confused? You’re doing that a lot lately, Mary,” Giovanni says. His steps are slow, measured, until he reaches me.

My back presses up against the wall. “I… I was up late with Vin. He wouldn’t settle.”

Something runs through my husband’s head. Something unsettles him. I see the darkness wash over his eyes. Something I said really pissed him off. I try to recall my words, figure out what it was that set him off this time.

Before I can do that, his hand swipes out. Connecting with my cheek, then quickly wrapping around my throat. “It’s your fault, Mary. You spoil the kid. You reap what you sow.”

“He’s…” My voice cuts off as Giovanni squeezes harder.

“Your fault,” he sneers at me.

I try to nod my head. Because it’s always better to agree with him. I used to try to argue, to reason even. I quickly learnt that it was pointless. It doesn’t matter what I say. My husband is never wrong, and that is final.

“You have nannies. Have them take care of him from now on. You’re not to be up late,” Giovanni says, releasing some of the pressure he has on my throat.

“Okay,” I agree again, because what other choice do I have?

Giovanni lets go of me and I fall to the ground, gasping for air. The door slams closed behind him when he walks into the bathroom.

I’ve thought about leaving. What that would look like. He’d never let me, though. And even if I tried, I doubt I’d get far.