In that case, I’ll have another crab cake, I said. I leaned over and took the last one off the plate. They really were quite good.

Come on, Chutsky, Deborah said. There’s a good chance we know where this guy is. Now what are you going to do about it?

He put a hand on top of hers and smiled. I’m going to have lunch, he said. And he picked up a menu with his other hand.

Deborah looked at his profile for a minute. Then she pulled her hand away. Shit, she said.

The food actually was excellent, and Chutsky tried very hard to be chummy and pleasant, as if he had decided that when you can’t tell the truth you might as well be charming. In fairness, I couldn’t complain, since I generally get away with the same trick, but Deborah didn’t seem very happy. She sulked and poked at her food while Kyle told jokes and asked me if I liked the Dolphins’ chances to go all the way this year. I didn’t really care if the Dolphins won the Nobel Prize for Literature, but as a well-designed artificial human I had several authentic-sounding prepared remarks on the subject, which seemed to satisfy Chutsky, and he chattered on in the chummiest way possible.

We even had dessert, which seemed to me to be pushing the distract-them-with-food ploy a little far, particularly since neither Deborah nor I was at all distracted. But it was quite good food, so it would have been barbaric of me to complain.

Of course, Deborah had worked very hard her whole life to become barbaric, so when the waiter placed an enormous chocolate thing in front of Chutsky, who turned to Debs with two forks and said, Well . . . she took the opportunity to fling a spoon into the center of the table.

No, she said to him. I don’t want another fucking cup of coffee, and I don’t want a fucking chocolate foo-foo. I want a fucking answer. When are we going to go get this guy?

He looked at her with mild surprise and even a certain fondness, as though people in his line of work found spoon-throwing women quite useful and charming, but he thought her timing might be slightly off. Can I finish my dessert first? he said.

Dexter 2 – Dearly Devoted Dexter

CHAPTER 12

D EBORAH DROVE US SOUTH ON DIXIE HIGHWAY. YES, I did say us. To my surprise, I had become a valuable member of the Justice League and was informed that I was being honored with the opportunity to put my irreplaceable self in harm’s way. Although I was far from delighted, one small incident almost made it worthwhile.