“Hey,” I say, opening the door just a crack.

“What’s up?” His eyebrows are raised, and there’s an army of question marks in his voice.

“Nothing.”

He peers around me curiously. “Can I come in?” He steps forward into the doorway, and I draw the door closed on his foot. “Ow!”

“Sorry, let’s just stay out here.” I squeeze through the door and lurch forward into his arms, more or less plowing into him so that he’ll back up a bit. “Hi.” I tuck my chin inside the coat’s collar. It smells faintly of my dad’s cologne and that stale, moldy smell of closets holding things that haven’t been used. I’m like a turtle, but sadder and not as cute. “Sorry to disappear like that. I’m having, uh, a family thing.”

“Yeah, I got your texts. What’s going on?” he asks, pulling away from me to peer nosily into the house. “Cham?”

“Sorry, um, I can’t really explain right now.”

“Are you okay? You’re acting really weird.” The question gets picked up by the wind and rustles through my hair. “We could go inside and—”

“No,” I say quickly, and back up to the door. “You can’t come in.”

“Is something going on in there?” he asks suspiciously. He steps around me and peers into the glass on the side of the door with his hand shielding his eyes and leaving a smudge on the pane.

“No, just fucking stop.” I grab his arm and yank him a little harder than I mean to.

“Whoa,” he says, backing away from me with his hands up. “I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not.”

“It’s just—”

“Okay, I guess you’re not kidding.”

“I’m not trying to be mean.” I sigh. “It’s just—” But there are too many things in this world merging into that other world. If they collided fully, they’d crush me between them. “I’m sorry, just, I really need you to go.”

“Fine, Cham,” he says exasperatedly. He starts to leave, then turns back halfway down the porch stairs. “You’re not like in trouble, are you?”

“No, no,” I say quickly. I see movement in my peripheral vision—my dad has wheeled himself over to the door and he’s looking out the window. Shit. I wish I could kiss the concern off Gene’s face, but I can’t function in two worlds at the same time.

“I feel like I can’t trust you right now.” He grimaces. “You’re obviously hiding something from me, but I’m not gonna beg you to tell me.”

“I know. I promise it’ll all make sense, but you gotta go. I’ll text you.” I turn back to the house and wait to hear his footsteps disappear, then his car door slam. A moment later he’s backing out of the driveway. Another second and he’s out of sight.

When it’s just me in my dad’s mail carrier coat facing the house, where only one light is on, I let myself get pulled into myself entirely. I want to close up inside my room with the lights off and the projector on until everything is better. Until he is better, but I guess that’d require a cure for the incurable.