“Yeah,” I joke, “’cause I’m totally dying to do that right now.” I hold the envelope for a second longer, feeling its weight before I hand it back to him and he puts it on the hood of the car. I cross my arms, feeling the dampness starting to sink into my bones, and the weight of this moment in time, all the things that are ending. I take a deep breath.

“I was getting so tired having two separate worlds. But when you came to my house a few months ago, that started to change. You were the thing in between.” I pull his fleece tighter around me. I’m starting to shiver. “I’m glad you are.”

He fixes the jacket and brings me closer to him. “That’s goot,” he says, then cocks his head at himself, laughing nervously.

I laugh too. “What?”

He closes his eyes and hangs his head. “I was starting to say ‘good,’ but then I said ‘great’ and—”

I kiss him then pull back grinning. I don’t want separate worlds. I want one big, humongous universe that can fit all of me in it. I want you in it. I fall back to his chest, so close that if either of us moves the tiniest bit, our lips will brush and ignite everything again. And one of us is bound to move. We have to. He brushes a curl off my face. “So what now?”

“Let’s stay out here a bit longer,” I say, looking behind me toward the big room with all its windows. Multicolored lights are flashing, and people have started dancing, and the thick beat of the music reaches us even in the parking lot. “I know we’re missing prom but I think a girl’s gotta make her own world in this world.”

Brendan smiles and takes my face in his hands. My cheeks are flushed and I feel a warmth all around me. Not like I peed myself; like the population of my universe just increased by one. “Well, then if it’s okay with you,” he says, leaning toward my lips, “I’d like to be in yours.”

We fall back against the car. “I’ll have to submit your request,” I say, softly running my finger over his lips.

He laughs and he doesn’t get it, but that’s okay. I do. I stand on my tiptoes. Soon we will go back to the dance. The night will end and we will graduate and there will be choices to make. But right now our breath is forming its own sweet atmosphere. Our eyelashes are touching. He’s tall enough that kissing him is like kissing the sky. And the next thing I know, I am.

Epilogue

Dear College Admissions Person,

This essay has been a bitch to write. Can I say that? If not, this whole system is bullshit. Oops. There I go again. I’m sorry, I just want to express myself, the real me, and that includes a few colorful swear words and also probably a few words that aren’t words. Is that okay? I’m gonna forge ahead without your permission.