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Chapters (60)
  1. CRITICAL ACCLAIM FOR LEIGH RUSSELL
  2. Glossary of acronyms
  3. Prologue
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. Acknowledgements

With a sigh, she tried to settle down to her morning’s work, but the memory of Ian’s pale, tired face haunted her. Wherever she looked, his weary eyes seemed to stare at her, alternately taunting her and pleading with her. At last she could bear it no longer and went to his office to confront him. He wasn’t there. She tried his phone but he declined to answer her call. She had no choice but to wait as patiently as she could until he came to see her that evening. She refused to consider the possibility that he might not turn up after he had said he would. But she was beginning to wonder if she had been a fool to believe that she had ever really known him at all.

12

12

Once again she was woken in the night by the sound of a baby crying. With a groan, Ella flung off her duvet and clambered out of bed. The walls of her apartment were thin, and she was often disturbed by noises from other people living in the building. If it wasn’t babies crying, it was children shrieking or adults quarrelling. When they weren’t shouting at each other, she would hear her next-door neighbours’ television blaring so loudly it could have been in the room with her. The people living in the flat above her never seemed to wear slippers or trainers indoors, and she was convinced they stamped their hard heels on the floor deliberately, to ensure the sound reached her through the ceiling. But more often than not, the noise came from a teething and miserable baby in her own flat.

‘There, there,’ she soothed the fretful baby, picking her up and rocking her gently in her arms. ‘It’s all right, I’m here. Don’t cry, little one, don’t cry.’ In the same soft tone of voice she added, ‘Just shut the fuck up will you? You’re doing my head in. Just shut the fuck up, for fuck’s sake.’

The baby finally settled into a fitful sleep, but usually Ella barely had time to drift into a light doze before the crying started up again. The hours passed in a haze, until her whole life seemed to revolve around feeding, soothing, and nappy changing. Late that morning she was finally managing to doze when the doorbell rang. She tried to ignore it, but the caller was insistent. Swearing at the neighbour who was no doubt coming to harangue her about keeping her baby quiet at night, Ella dragged herself off the sofa where she had been resting, and shuffled towards the door.

‘What do you want?’ she called out crossly. ‘I’m trying to get some sleep in here. Is it a crime to want to sleep? I hardly shut my eyes once last night. Is it my fault the baby cries from time to time?’

‘Ella, it’s me, Jessica. Let me in.’