"The point," he said, "is that you have little or no chance to prevail if you blindly rush in. You must know how they intend to manipulate these energies. You must know if there is a weak time or place at which to assault them. You must know the details of the Darkhallow, or you might as well cut your own wrists."

"Don't have to," I told him. "I could just sit and wait for the Erlking to come by."

"Six of one, half a dozen of another," my double agreed. "In addition, your body is in no condition to do anything at the moment." He leaned forward. "Free her to help us."

I inhaled slowly and stared at Lasciel for a moment. Then I said, "After I killed Justin and got my head together at Ebenezar's place, I promised myself something. I promised that I would live my life on my own terms. That I knew the difference between right and wrong and that I wouldn't cross the line. I wouldn't allow myself to become like Justin DuMorne."

"Don't you want to survive?" my double asked.

I rose from the chair and started walking into the darkness outside the light. "Of course I do. But some things are more important than survival."

"Yeah," my double said. "Like the people who are going to get killed when you die and don't stop Kemmler's disciples."

I froze at the edge of the darkness.

"Take the high road if you want to," my double said. "Choose to walk away from this strength in the name of principle. But after your noble death, everyone you no longer protect, everyone who might one day have come to you for help, everyone who is killed in the aftermath of the Darkhallow— everylife you might have protected in the future will be on your head."

I stared at the darkness and then closed my eyes.

"Regardless of where it came from, Lasciel offers you the power of knowledge. If you turn aside from that power—power only you can take up—then you abandon your commitment to protect and defend those who are not strong enough to do it themselves."

"No," I said. "That isn't… that isn't my responsibility."

"Of course it is," my subconscious said, voice clear and sharp. "You coward."

I stopped and turned, staring at him.

"If you go to your death rather than do everything you might to prevent what is happening, you are merely committing suicide and trying to make yourself feel better about it. That is the act of a coward. It is beneath contempt."

I went through the logic of his argument and didn't make any headway against it—of course. While my double might look like another person, he wasn't. He was me.

"If I open this door now," I said slowly. "I might not be able to close it again."