“Oh, that’s much better,” he said scornfully. He picked a leaf from a bowl on the table and folded it. “Open,” he ordered. She opened her mouth and he popped it in. He examined her hand while she chewed and immediately the pain lessened. Pleasingly, it also blocked off another headache that was threatening to emerge.

“We passed Clarabelle,” Skulduggery said. “She drank from one of the test tubes she was holding.”

Kenspeckle’s head drooped. “That girl,” he said. “One of these days she’ll learn. I don’t know what she’ll learn, but she’ll learn and it will be a good day.”

“Is she in any danger?”

He started searching drawers. “Not really. Both tubes contain mineral water. You’d be astonished how many times I’ve given her water and told her it was something else and not to drink it. She always drinks it though. Always. It’s a compulsion.” He showed them a huge uneven bowl that looked like it was made in an idiot’s pottery class. “She made this for me, as a token of her appreciation for employing her when nobody else would.”

“It’s nice,” Valkyrie lied. “Colourful.”

“It was meant to be a mug,” Kenspeckle told her. “How big does she think my mouth is? I could fit my whole head in there, for God’s sake. It doesn’t even have a handle. And look at this.” He put the bowl on the table and it tilted drastically. “It’s so off balance it’s in danger of falling off a flat surface.”

He poured various liquids and powders into the bowl and checked his watch.

Valkyrie frowned. “Are you going out?” she asked.

Kenspeckle started stirring. The bowl rocked rhythmically. “I am.”

“You’re all dressed up. You never get dressed up. Are you…? Do you have a date?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? Because I’m old, is that it? Because I’m an old man and old people shouldn’t go out on dates? Because we don’t need love or companionship, and we don’t get lonely? Is that it? Is that why you’re so surprised I have a date?”

“No,” she said. “It’s because you’re really grumpy.”

“Ah. Yes. I am rather grumpy. But what can I say? Some women like that.”

“What women?”

“Women with low expectations.”

“So you have a date now? It’s not even lunchtime. Where are you going?”

“Bingo.”

“Bingo?”

“Bingo. Everyone’s playing it apparently.” He motioned Valkyrie over and nodded to the bowl, which was now full of brown sludge. “Put your hand in,” he said.

She did so. It was cold and gritty sludge.