The only thing I can do now is put distance between us. Spare the rest of my heart from further torment. If I stay here with him, it will only be a matter of time before Hugo finds me. Before he comes for me, putting everyone here in danger and ending in heartbreak regardless.

There is nothing left for me to do but walk away, so without another word to Murph, I walk to the door and go to my room. It pains me to leave him, especially after baring my soul and sharing the story of the car in the river, but it hurts far more when I realize he’s not coming after me. He doesn't come find me in my room, ask me to come back, apologize for being so closed off.

Because Murph is incapable of loving anyone, and I’ve fallen so deeply in love with him I could drown.

It’s better that she’s gone. Especially now that I know what she went through. Fuck, I can’t think about how she felt in that car. What that monster did to her to make her do that.

Her story gutted me.

I just keep telling myself: it’s better that she’s gone. Savannah bared her fucking soul, but when she needed me to bare mine, I shut her down, and I’ll continue to shut her down. Every. Single. Time. It’s all I know, and all I’ll ever know. To be pushed away from every single person you care for. Tossed from home to home. Forced to find companionship and family with those who are just as hard and abused as you are, it doesn't exactly make me the right candidate for romance.

I sure as hell wouldn’t expect her to stick around once she got a peek at how dark the shit is in my soul. She deserves more. She deserves a guy who can be as vulnerable as she was when she came clean.

The next few days pass by in a lifeless haze of gray. Ryder and I haven’t so much as looked at each other, and Savannah won’t touch me. She’ll only talk to me about the party and about the plans for the week, but her eyes only meet mine for a moment and never linger too long. Never inviting me to the bedroom or daring me to do something I shouldn’t do.

On Friday afternoon, once it’s clear there’s nothing more for me to do to prepare for the party, I decide to take a jog around town. The most physical activity I’ve done this month has been sex, which it doesn’t look like I’ll be doing again anytime soon. And a good run is just another way to release the tension.