“After I reached the shore, I ran. We were so close to traffic that it wasn’t hard for me to get a ride, even soaking wet and wild looking. When I looked back, I saw him climb out, but he didn’t follow me.”

“Savannah, this is insane. That’s when you came to Hazel’s?”

“She had an ad in the paper. She called it “Your last resort and your saving grace.”

“Of course she did,” he snapped.

Tears streamed out of my eyes and as I stared up at him. “Have you ever felt so imprisoned? So ashamed that you hate the thought of living another day like that? I wasn’t supposed to get another chance at life. I was happy to let it all go, but when I climbed out of that car, all I told myself was that I just had to get away from him and if I was away from him, I could be free.”

It felt like a weight had lifted once the words were out, but now he was across the room and still angry at me for pushing him. I was desperate for his touch. I craved his kiss.

“So, that’s my secret. Now you know.”

“What are you going to do after this is all over?” he asks, his voice cold and flat. He’s back to avoiding my eye contact.

My chest aches as I try to suck in a breath. “I don’t know,” I whisper through my tears, which is true. I’m drowning in confusion. My head wants me to save myself, but my heart wants to save him.

Please come back to me. Please kiss me, I beg him in my mind.

It’s quiet for a long time, and he doesn’t make a move toward me.

“Does it matter?” I breathe. It’s a dangerous question. I’m asking him to give a fuck about me, and I’m not prepared for how I’ll react if he tells me he doesn’t. If he tells me I don’t matter…

He doesn’t answer me, just crosses back to the window. In the dark moonlit room, the black ink on his arms makes him hard to make out against the window. It’s almost like he covers himself in the dark shades to hide himself, to let it swallow him up.

I want to yell at him, demand he give me something more, open up, bare his soul.

There’s absolutely nothing left in me that could hurt him. Not for myself. Not for anything. But he’s still pushing me away, and my heart shatters with the realization that I’ve backed myself into a relationship that will end in my heartbreak no matter what I do. Murph will never love me back, not openly, and when I sign away his shop, it will all have been for nothing. The pain will devour me.