“When the Matriarch couldn’t make him see what a really bad idea that was, she had him put in suspended animation.”

“Why not just kill him?”

“Because someday we might need a bomb powerful enough to destroy the whole world.”

Molly shuddered. “Your family can be downright scary sometimes, Eddie. So the Time Train is one of these obsessions, is it?”

“Pretty much. I don’t think we’ve used the thing a dozen times in the two centuries since it was constructed.”

“Why not?” said Molly. “I mean, I can think of a dozen really good uses for a time machine, any one of which could make us impossibly rich . . .”

“Thought you didn’t care about things?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

“It’s not that simple,” I said. “The possibilities for really appalling cock-ups, disasters, tragedies, and paradoxes are enough to give anyone nightmares. Don’t even ask me how the Time Train works, or I’ll start to whimper. Time travel, theory and practice, makes my head hurt. Do me a favour, Molly, and change the subject again.”

“All right . . . Let’s talk about the people we suggested bringing in as tutors. And don’t pull a face like that, Eddie Drood. The wind might change and then you’d be stuck that way. You know we have to discuss this.”

“Only because my choices were sane and practical, and you chose two monsters!”

“They are not monsters! Or at least, not all the time . . . And really, Eddie, sane and practical? Yeah, right . . . Janissary Jane has a good reputation as a fighter, especially when she’s got a few drinks in her, but let’s be real about this; she is way past her prime.”

“She’s a veteran demon fighter,” I said. “Do you have any idea how rare that is? She’s been killing demons for longer than most demon fighters live. There’s a lot she could teach us, if we can persuade her to come here.”

“All right, what about the Blue Fairy?” Molly pulled a sour face. “He’s weak, Eddie, and always will be. And he’s a risk. He’s half elf, and you can never trust an elf. They always have a hidden agenda. Trust me, I know.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you about to tell me of another old boyfriend?”

“An elf? Please!” Molly shuddered theatrically. “I’d sew it up first.”

“Pushing that unexpected mental image firmly to one side,” I said, “my choices are defendable. Yours are completely unacceptable. I mean, come on . . . a psycho killer and a luck vampire?”